August 26, 2005

• :Tim Allen voice:

  
  

  Buzz Lightyear mission log: have entered the megafood center in search of the rare human delicacy code named The Great Pyramids of Unceasing Taste.  Thus far I have evaded being detected by the Zurg bagging guards with great fear that they might swoop me through the checkout laser — or in other words, certain death.

  
  

  No sign of the Triangles of Orange Splendor, but the product lanes are of great variety and number.  Carrying and hiding behind a piece of lettuce has confirmed my theory that no human dare pick exposed vegetables off their contaminated floors of rampant bacterial colonies.  It is shocking that the humans would standardize eating only food that has been in contact with ground level for less than 5 seconds — why, by that time the first bacteria to reach the food has had grandchildren and organized entire professional bacterial sports teams on the fallen food.

  
  

  I appear to be wandering near the Orange Powdered Crunchables, other species of its kind are appearing in sight.  Very fortunate to make it here after having had to fend a Zurg child who was attempting to blow my cover by selecting the Cheesiated Noodles in the previous aisle.  But cleverly I had been packing a round of ammo in the form of pelting food stones, or rasains to Zurg forces.

  
  

  At last! My journeyed eyes rest on the target.  Getting back to the maintenance hall is all that’s left.

  
  

  (time elapses, Buzz is seen indulging in the rustling bag of his treat in a janitor’s closet)

  
  

  Buzz Lightyear mission log: Tasty.

  
  

   

  
  

  Aren’t Doritos great?

  
  

  If I have a class with you, we’ll make it a surprise and I’ll see you there.         

  • 12:44 am
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