February 22, 2006

• I Think She Likes Me

  
  

  An uninspiring gray expanse for a sky might have done it to the stout and disparaging woman, for her air seemed as depressingly angry as that of which the sky made me sense was the mood of the town.  In the plaza parking lot I closed the car door, shot my head back and hawcked up a sizeable glob of yellow-geenish matter which I then expulsed by instantaneously ricocheting my head forward so the glob would meet the ground.  In other words, I spat a lugey.  She wasn’t very happy about that.

  
  

  “Oh my gosh! That’s sick and wrong! Why don’t you find another place to do that?!?”

  
  

  In a reserved, deliberate manner I turned my body to face the antagonized woman.  It seemed as though she stood waiting for a reply that she would not listen to just so she could scream again in response.  In a calm gesture I adressed her kind rebuke to ease her dander:

  
  

  “Ma’am, you and I are standing in a parking lot of several hundreds cars.  These cars emit vapor of burned gasoline into the air at astounding rates over the course of the year.  This destroys the o-zone which protects humans from ultra-violet rays which causes humans to contract skin cancer.  Cancer makes people die.  Now that’s wrong.  And sick?  You and I are also standing only a few hundred feet from a Taco Bell.  The decievingly delicious-looking and yet repulsively abominable contents of those tacos are, in reality, less preferable for a meal than the slimy matter diffused from my body moments ago.  If people actually knew what was in Taco Bell food, they would use it on Fear Factor. Now that’s sick.  In actuality, a poor boy coughing a lugey on the ground is the least offensive thing in the area.”

  
  

  Her face had gradually become unstuck from the angry, teeth-clinched manner it was in at the beginning of my address.  She said plainly, “Oh.”

  
  

  The pwned lady ignominiously strided away, not quite sure of what had just happened.  Another American had been victim of a 1337 h4x0r.  What’s a 1337 h4x0r?  They’re out there, and you aren’t quite sure of who they are.  They happen when it’s least expected.  Candid camera has become H4x0r camera.  Upon being accosted, they will slowly turn to you, patiently examine you and the situation, and proceed to pwn you thoroughly.  So be careful, or you might just get your dignity taken from you faster than the internet speed at Bill Gates’s house. They are anonymous people, but their leader is Chuck.  

  
  

  Eh, that could have happened, it instantly occured in my imagination once the setting was painted.  It was based on a true story, we’ll say that.  (“Based on a true story” means everything happened except for the dialogue.)

  
  

  But it’s true, I got very sick today.  I am at roughly 8 oz. of snot/hour in gross production.  My sinuses are more congested than a Chinese airport. 

  
  

  Start the day with a dance and end with a sigh.  A toast! Two eProps to living with a loving God, PopTarts, board games, and bedtimes! 

  
  

  This night is finite so why not have a fine night?    

  • 5:34 pm
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