Hello!

Red light cameras have begun to be installed at intersections around Columbus.  These cameras snap pictures of your car when you are running a red light.  This is a warning.  If you are about to run a red light make sure to smile!

Kait: Does anyone have any contact solution?
Me: I have a solution to contacts.  It’s called glasses.

I wonder what happens when you put sleeping potion in coffee.

As gas prices soar and scientists research new forms of renewable energy, our nation nervously approaches the future.  Everyone is worried: what happens when we run out of petroleum?  Well, my friends, I don’t believe that is the issue.  The real crisis we need to be worried about is what happens when we run out of scratch.  Scratch, my favorite ingredient, is at risk of disappearing within 10 years.  My grandma used to make some great jello from scratch.  My mom used to make bread from scratch.  When was the last time you ate something made from scratch?  …What? You can’t remember?  That’s because the scratch is running out. 

I’ve got to be running along!  Goodbye. 

Began to doubt me, did you?  Ah, but I post yet again!  I have a xanga heart, there is nothing I can do about it.

After 20 or so minutes of meandering up and down the Kroger aisles Alex raised his voice at me, “Phil, you still haven’t asked where the toothpicks are?!”
“I’ll find them, ok!”  I responded in a sort of weird, prideful way, as if no store could so cleverly choose a spot to place their toothpicks that I couldn’t find. 
Then suddenly!  From 10 feet away, An eavesdropping employee robotically said like an automated voice, “Toothpicks? Aisle 6. Left-hand side.”

It was painful.  A part of me wanted to say, “I can find the toothpicks, thank you very much.” and the other side of me was reasoning, “Dude, it’s toothpicks. Let it go.” 

 Anyways, we found the toothpicks, and bought a 750-pack.  To me, 750 is a number the toothpick company made up to put on the box because they realize there’s no way we’re going to count them.  They could write 1000 toothpicks, 5000 toothpicks, or 10 million toothpicks, because they know there’s no way anyone is going to count them all to call the toothpick company out on it.  When you open up a box a toothpick the only thing you think is, “Wow, that’s a whole bunch of toothpicks.”  You look on the box, see a big number, and think, “Five million toothpicks? Yeah, that makes sense.”

Believe it or not, I’d predict Americans are getting scammed out of a couple hundred toothpicks per box.  But like I said, no way I’m gonna be the one to count ’em. 

Ever see the TV show Touched By An Angel?  Well, this is my account of Scarred By A TV Show.  When I was about 8 years old I saw an episode where a man in his shop answers the telephone.  He keeps on saying, “Hello? Hello?”, but no one was there.  Two seconds later, a bomb blows the entire building up.  No joke, every single time I answer the phone and there is no one on the other line I have instant thoughts telling me my house is about to explode. 

Yes, yes.  It is all fine and well.  I saw the movie “Harvey” starring James Stewart with Rachel and I thought it was fantastic. 

I’m trying to figure out technology still, come back soon and maybe I’ll have the pictures of the marshmellow and toothpick fortresses up on here.  I am hopeful and doubtful all at once about being able to get the pictures up. 

This night is finite, so why not have a fine night?