September 7, 2006
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[doormat] WELCOME [/doormat]
A firm handshake is supposed to symbolize respect and a good representation of a person. But 70% of guys don’t wash their hands after bathroom use. Regarding this, I don’t care if you have a firm handshake, just wash your hands. How does that even click in their heads? Go to bathroom, don’t wash your hands, then shake someone’s hand firmly and think, “This is proper etiquette.” Yes, that makes sense. Just like brake-checking a semi makes sense.
So photographs of the baby of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were finally released to the press and revealed on Wednesday. The one thing I am still trying to figure out is why anyone cares. Sure babies are great, huray for human life, but why this one in particular? I feel as though the whole Suri-obsession is a weird phenomenom of caring-because-the-next-person-cares chain reaction. The whole thing probably started because one friend said to another, “Did you hear? Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are having a baby!” The other friend then felt as though they were supposed to care about this distant couple’s baby, and responded “No way! I can’t wait to see a picture of it once it’s born!” Soon enough everyone started pretending to care, but deep down inside none of them knew why. And now this baby’s face on a magazine is a bigger deal than gas prices.
Perhaps the entire reason America has obsessed over the delay of the publication of this baby’s face is precisely because Americans want to divert their attention away from real issues, like gas prices. This could be the subconscious basis behind all attention given to the lives of Hollywood celebrities. It began as accident, but soon people walking to work began to accept the thought process: “The economy is on the verge of collapse and immigration is overwhelming our country and — but, hey, wait a second, didn’t Vince Vaughn propose?!?!”
If Spin City had a spinoff would it be called Spinoff City?
Sleep well.
Comments (13)
You know what the real issue is? Forget the gas prices and some stupid baby of scientologist that will supposedly be immortal if eats right and doesnt take advil. The real issue is Steve Irwin. I am just waiting to see that video come out. A guy at work suggested that we on halloween we go around in a safari suit with a fake spike sticking out of our heart, and of course the australian accent. That is really what america is subconsciously waiting for to be released. The real reason that Cruise and whats her face want the baby to be publizced is to attempt to cover up the fact that Irwin met his fate, because he was infact the most devout scientologist and was supposed to be immortal. Then, of course, the communists tried to develop a religion that would brainwash the minds of millionaries. This was just to help them, just like counterfeit money, to overthrow the american government.
Hablaba
i miss spanish
Haha, no. That would be great though.
We care because we know Suri will grow up and try to take over the world. And then a swordswoman will stand up and defeat Suri in hand-to-hand combat, and that swordswoman will turn out to be Grier (Brooke Shields’ baby, born on the same day and in the same hospital as Suri).
So all our idiotic Suri-fascination is really just anticipation.
Hahaha – you’re hilarious.
I laughed so much reading this.
Just the irony.. sarcasm.
It’s a beautiful post.
I know exactly what you mean. It’s disgusting not to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom. Hilary Lehr would scold me if I forgot… haha… so I got in the habit of doing it… but there are girls who walk out of the rest room and don’t wash their hands. They walk up in front of the mirror play with their hair… spread the germs through their locks… and eww… I can’t even think about opening the door with my hands after that stuff. I generally need to wait for someone to open it… or use a sleeve.
I think the media just wants to slack off and not find anything actually interesting in present times. No one seems to find the actual hard facts or issues as stimulating as, “What are the new hair colors for fall?”
I don’t care that Vince proposed… but guess some other people like to live vicariously through other people… they like the idea that life can be better… and other seem to find it enjoyable to know that the grass is greener on the other side…
Well, if it’s an extremely ugly child… I’d like to see it and laugh… but that’s just me.
Good stuff; I have subscribed.
The entire purpose of the entertainment industry is escapism. It’s easier to laugh at Hollywood gossip than own up to the fact that paying your gas bill is going to be tough. Just like it’s easy to accuse Britney Spears of being a bad mother and disregard all the “normal” people who’re beating their kids.
(what does becoming an ally entail? any secret treaties or other such loopholes?)
If i had more enegery I would be on the floor right now laughing my gut off. Kudos.
I like your marvels, and agree with them. People care WAY too much about celebrities – our culture has turned every single solitary facet of their lives into entertainment. Yeesh! Like you said, it’s distraction, pure and simple. We care about it because we don’t want to care about other things.
Then a day like today comes around, and suddenly caring about Brad and Angelina seems like such an embaressment of thought.
Kendra and I agreed that you are awesome…
and own our souls.
Well phil, you have a point about the hand washing. I carry about anti-bac (which you should seriously consider doing) that way after I leave the restroom I can use it (since I had to touch the door) and I can use it after I am forced to shake people’s hands. Generally I just don’t offer my hand and people usually take the hint. No one cares about gas prices because they do not have a gas is 2.19 right now party everytime they drive by the gas station, like I do. And they care about Suri Cruise because Tom and Katie waited 140 days to show them the pictures, and there was question about Tom and Katie being together and then not, enganed and then not, married and oh wait they didn’t do that one, and also there was question as to whether or not this baby existed, or whether it had been born completely ugly, therefore making Tom and Katie parents to an ugly baby which is a Hollywood crime. Punishable by like, death or something. No worries though, Suri looks like every other adorable baby! (not that every baby is adorable, I have seen one or two flat out ugly babies in my time.)
this post is lame if you ask me.
Spinoff city.
I’m not sure if you noticed, but I noted that while foreigners raped and killed an iraqi girl, in contrast iraqi church leaders beat an iraqi girl for wearing blue jeans and not “proper” wear for women in the muslim community. Perhaps I communicated the thoughts too vaguely and too emotionally; but wow I wish you could know what I was feeling yesterday. And right now. My anger was at how in both communities therein lies so much wrong. And I want to do something. But I don’t know where to start. But I know that we MUST start. But I’m just another human being that doesn’t know what the government knows. So who cares about what I have to say?
-John