Recently I have discovered an amazing book store with free coffee, comfy chairs, and lots of books (in excellent condition, and at great prices, for the most part).  The best part about it is that barely anyone else has discovered it.  It's like a space warp when I enter through that door, like I'm in a world that has been closed off from the rest of Earth.  Sometimes I wonder if I asked a stranger to come in with me if he or she would gaze at me wide-eyed for a moment, and then nervously hurry away while yelling that I was insane as if I was asking him or her to walk through a brick wall with me.   But the greatness of the bookstore is not the point of this entry.

I'm having a ethical dilemma.  I started reading a book in the store recently and wondered if it would be wrong to read the entire book in the store.  Now, continuously reading books in a specific bookstore without ever buying any is obviously a exploition of the freedoms allowed by bookstores.  However, my situation is different because I have bought several books from the store to read, and have since discovered another book there I like, but don't readily have the funds or the need to buy.  I read it every time I go now.  Is it acceptable to read the entire book in the bookstore since I have somewhat balanced my in-store reading with buying other books? 

It is also of note to say that there is a huge sign above the coffee, which is right by the reading area, that reads, "The coffee is free.  We're here to sell books." 

Fortunately along with the paucity of customers there is a paucity of employees so that I can normally read without being passed very frequently. 

But I feel guilty.  But the dilemma is open to some interpretation; it is not as blatantly wrong as getting a cup for water at a restaurant and filling it with a soft drink instead (naughty people!). 

Your take?

Solar System In Dispute

EARTH, Solar System --  Officials from the Earth Embassy released a press statement yesterday announcing that it has collated a formal list of grievances to submit to the Sun for review.  The announcement comes in wake of recent protests across North America and some Asian provinces about flaws in the current calender system, which have found a voice in the recently formed Against the Sun Committee (ASC). 

The ASC explains that Earth's citizens have become disgruntled with certain nuances of the Earth's orbit around the Sun, noting many difficulties the current system presents. The announcement also arrived in spite of objections from right-wing Sun advocates stating that it is the actual calender that needs revised and that the contract with the Sun is not the reason for people's troubles.  The Sun declined to comment. 

"It basically just points out the logistical flaws in the current agreement between the Earth and the Sun," said Michael Drenner, a spokesman from Earth Embassy.  "The list of grievances contains simple and practical revisions that need to be addressed."

According to the ASC, one particular difficulty in the current system is that there are not enough minutes in the day.  "Many students stay up until 1 or 2 A.M just trying to finish simple homework assignments," said ASC official Robert Grey, "It's ridiculous the way the system works.  It needs to change."

Cheryl Robins, currently a student at Ohio State University, added, "My friends make fun of me for not eating breakfast, but I really just don't have time.  I love eating, but with how jammed my days are, well, let's just say even a banana takes time to peel."

Other ASC reports show that most citizens suffer from the lack of minutes in a day.  Statistics show that 78% of people who keep "to do lists" do not complete them on the average day.   In a more specifically relevant survey, 56% of Earth's citizens say that they could "definitely use more time in a given day." 

"The problem is that the modern world includes more activities," said ASC researcher Tracy Hoyle.  "In ancient times people had simpler lives and could live on the 24-hour system without any problems.  But times have changed, which means time has to change too." 

The Earth's current contract with the Sun, which expires in the year 3028, has been in place since Julius Caesar negotiated it with the Sun in the year 51 B.C.  Under this contract, the Earth orbits the Sun every 365.24 days.  A day, which lasts twenty-four hours, is really the main objection to the current system, but a change in orbit would likewise change the time in a day.  Other objections are also circulating on blogs in the Gregorian world.

"Let's face it, Monday is a terrible way to spend 1/7th of your life," says Brian Jones.  "If your birthday is on a Monday you might as well not celebrate it until Tuesday, because Mondays are just sad." 

Statistics also support this find, showing that 100% of people in the Gregorian world hate Mondays "with all their heart."  The movement to send Monday into oblivion has been vehemently opposed by Emo music producers and artists, saying their sales tend to skyrocket on Mondays compared to any other day of the week.

Protests concerning the Earth's orbit around the Sun have largely been in response to an inundation of anti-Sun propoganda started by several authors.  One of them, Daniel Tavenor, has written such bestsellers as The Last Sunset and Grab Your Sunglasses.  In regard to the announcement by the Earth Embassy, Tavenor said, "Good.  It's about time the Sun starts to feel the heat." 

Lee Craig, author of Sunny Side Down, noticed that global warming could be treated more effectively if the Earths' contract with the Sun was renegotiated.  "People got very upset about global warming, but they looked in the wrong place for the problem," Craig said, "We're not the problem.  Global warming is actually breaching a clause in the contract between Earth and Sun.  In article 19.2A it states that if temperatures escalate this dramatically then we are entitled to rework our contract." 

Critics claim that these authors are only bitter because of childhood sunburns.  Craig and Tavenor declined to comment on this.

The Earth Embassy also indicated that if the Sun did not respond definitively within the next 30 days, it would seek out the help of the other planets.  However, as result of its recent exclusion from planethood, Pluto has already stated, "I will never assist your arrogant, authoritative planet of jerks." 

NASA has been in contact with Mars, Jupiter, and Neptune about the possibility of a walk-out of the Solar System if the Sun does not address their demands.  When asked about Pluto, a NASA spokesman responded, "He's just a little upset."  He added, "Pluto has always been a little 'out there,' no pun intended."   

"We can find another star to orbit around, no problem," said Mars, who has been in a collaborative agreement with Earth in negotiating with the Sun for the past 320 years.  "The age of fearing the Sun has ended.  The ancient civilisations on Earth that worshiped the Sun have long since declined.  The time for action is now.  We have already contacted multiple other stars that have promised such benefits as an exclusion of the need for daylight savings, fewer deserts, and thirty hour days." 

The other planets argue that leaving the solar system is impossible because of gravity.  Michael Drenner addressed this concern in yesterday's press conference saying, "We have been talking with Gravity about leaving the solar system.  Progress is slow, but since we are working with Gravity we think things will speed up soon."

Also in reference to the gravity problem, another Earth Embassy official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said, "What Gravity really wants, if there is to be any sort of agreement, is for planet Earth to destroy the Superman movies, movies which gravity finds insulting and heretical because of superman's ability to fly."

Public hope for the Earth's prospects of getting a new orbit -- or even possibly a new star -- is at an all-time high.  As Austin city resident Haley Ferguson said, "The Sun is 90 million miles away, but change is right around the corner."

Book To My Kids:  Chapter One.

Hey there, kids.  This seems pretty crazy, huh?  Believe it or not, your dad used to be in high school.  I'd like to start by saying that I hope you exist.  And the world for that matter as well.  And if you exist I sure hope if you are a girl your name is Audrey, and if you are a guy your name is Nathan, and if it isn't then it's because your mother didn't agree.  Speaking of your mother, if you want to know the story of how I met her I can't tell you because I haven't yet.  Although it might be in a later chapter that I haven't written yet.  Oh, by the way, if you are at a rough point in your life right now and are thinking, "I wish I had never been born!" you might be realizing that that wish still has possibility at the point I'm writing this, but I really have no intention of making it come true.  Sorry.  But since I have five siblings and I am also hoping that there are six of you, I suppose I did in fact grant that wish to your seventh sibling.  He/she is in oblivion and had wished he/she was never born.  And he/she wasn't.  In fact, all the people that were never born that wished that they had never been born got their wish.  That makes for a lot of happy unborn people I should say!

You'll notice that off of that train of thought that there are some people who think that life is not worth living.  I am not one of them, obviously, or else I would not have been so malicious as to have brought more people into an existence I thought was not worth it. 

But I don't want too get to deep.  You're just kids.  Let's go over some basics before you continue reading.  First, if I come into the room pretend you aren't reading this, that might be awkward.  I'm obviously my future self and I might not agree with everything in here.  Or, it is possible that I wrote something weird.  And don't correct my grammar, please.  Grammar is for the pedantic.  Learn lots of vocabulary and how to spell correctly, but as far as colons and commas and dashes go -- I really don't care.  Lastly, don't let your mother know about this: she might get mad I didn't write a book for her.  So, shhhh.

Alright, I'll come out with it.  I'm probably not going to show you this.  You might then ask why I'm still writing something you're never going to see;  but then I might ask how you are asking that question if you aren't reading this, which I just stated you were not supposed to be.

I am writing this in the study of your grandfather and grandmother's house on my side of the family.  You can know this is true for two reasons.  First, I would never let them sell the house that saw so many seasons of my life.  Secondly, I certainly can't be writing it in your mother's parents' house since I don't know her yet, and it would really odd even if I did know her to be blogging in her house. 

It is possible that I became an overseas missionary and we don't even live where I grew up.  But it's ok, America isn't all that great, if I even told you about there yet.  It's not really worth mentioning.  Everyone in the whole country is just mad and upset.  One half of the country is mad for all the wrong reasons. The other half of the country is only mad because they saw the first half of the country was mad and figured they might as well be mad too.  It's like a kindergarten room where all the kids are chasing each other and everyone is screaming and no one is listening.   While there are millions of reasons why people are mad, at any given moment most Americans are upset that they aren't the president. 

Every morning in America they drop a bundle of paper on your porch that tells you all the bad things that happened the day before.  That's what they called a 'newspaper', and the only thing happy in them is a section called 'the comics.'  But since the comics are usually a ways into the paper, people are so depressed by what they have already read that by the time they get there they can't even muster a smile at them.  But it's still better than getting the news from TV, because the news doesn't even have any comics.  The newscasters do smile though, but that's only because they're paid to smile.  That's how they hire newscasters: they bring in possible candidates and have them read the news, and if the candidates can read all the horrible, depressing news and then smile when saying goodbye to the camera then they are hired.   

If any place needed the Good News, it's America.  The whole place is just filled with bad news item after bad news item.  You might then wonder why we left America to share the Good News rather than stay there to tell it.  Well, it's always one of two things keeping that kept America from believing:  It was either America was too mad to listen, or too sad to believe it was true. 

Like I said, one half of the country is only mad because the other half is mad.  You can totally be silent yourself and everyone else would make you mad.  From music to books, from the newspaper to the television, from chatter with friends to life in the workplace, there was a uniformity in the message: you are supposed to be mad.   Every American is walking around, a prime target for snipers to shoot with their reason to be mad.  If one thing characterized America when I lived there it was conflict, controversy, and irresolution. 

There is a critic for everything.  No matter what life you lived, you could rest assured that someone out there hated you.  In such a wretched country, where everyone has "the answer" but all the answers are different, what was it like?  Joyless, hopeless, heartless -- over time the American dream has turned into one big nightmare. 

I'm in high school right now, as I've said, and I'm really not participating in the yelling.  But then again, I am a yell really.  We all are.  Last October the country's population hit 300 million, which means it's that much more clamorous, and that much harder to make a left hand turn without a traffic light.  And it's true: everyone contributes somehow to the general message another person is receiving during the day, either in the way someone looks or the things someone says.  At night, the sum of the day, we realize, is what we saw and what we heard:  and you are a variable in the day of every person with whom you interacted.  That's why we are a yell.  Switchfoot, my favorite band, realized their own contribution to the noise in people's life and wrote in one their songs, "If we're adding to the noise, turn off this song."  In such a large world it can get rather noisy.  That's why postmodernism came about: it is now so noisy, that no one even knows what to think or who to listen to.  Everyone is yelling, and that is why I think that perhaps a whisper of love into the heart is the strongest voice. 

That's one of the reasons why you should never complain.  A complaint, when it enters another person's head, is like a little virus that can multiply into a million other complaints in their own mind.  You may just think that one itsy-bitsy complaint only makes a person realize that specific complaint, but it actually does more than that: it rewires their thinking when they're doing something entirely different, and they can then begin to invent their own complaints.  It's a nasty little thing really, a complaint, that can infect entire populations, as is the case in America. 

My mother thinks that when we arrive in heaven we will see how our sins affected other people.  But truly, it's what we are: we are an effect on the world.  There's a common inspirational motif, "I want to change the world."  It seems no one realizes they already are changing the world.  It's undeniable: everyone changes the world.  The world is, in fact, unimaginable without you.  It's funny to think about ... what I'm writing, right now, somehow, as long as it enters someone's brain, is a mark on the world. 

A sentence can change someone's life.  I remember a few sentences that certain people have said to me, and they continue to shape my understanding of things.  Some things I remember send searing pangs of frustration across my head.  Other things bring comfort and reassurance.  However, make no doubt, 99.9% of the dialogue from my life is lost in the dark caverns of my mind's subconscious memory.  But in all of the words that have been quickly passed in the air around me, a few have stuck that I don't believe I shall ever disregard or discard.  Therefore, never make light of the things you say, for words hold the power of life and death.

Alright, alright, I'm getting a bit too deep.  Besides you guys are only what, eleven, twelve years old?  There's so much to say to you, especially knowing that you are me right now, only then.  I believe that the previous sentence is inevitably what results when you write to the future.  I'll write again soon.

A new issue has arisen between my sister Hope and I, and I sumbit this description of it to you so that you may judge for yourselves who is right.

Now there are two possible scenarios in which our debacle could apply:

1.  A situation in which you have recently taken a shower and someone asks you, "How long was your shower?" and you respond.

2. A situation in which you have recently taken a shower and you voluntarily admit to someone a simple statement such as: "I just took a ___ minute shower." 

The equicovacy of the situation exists in a person's definition of a "shower" and according to each definition how long the shower was.  What follows are the two definitions, or interpretations, of how one should report the length of a shower. (And you will notice how much significance it has in describing to someone how long a person's shower was).

Shower Length Definitions:

1.  The amount of time that elapses from the time a person enters the bathroom door to the time in which he or she exits out of the bathroom, given that a shower is taken at some point during the course of that enclosed time interval, and also a time in which any number of other bathroom activities may also be conducted, so long as a shower is taken.  In short: from entering the bathroom to exiting the bathroom.

2.  The amount of time that elapses from the time a person enters into the actual shower to the time in which he or she leaves the shower.  In short:  from entering the shower to exiting the shower.

Here is a classification I would like to make: I want you to apply the definition that is most accurate by what you mean when you say, "I took a ____ minute shower," without having been asked. Therefore, if you scan to the top of the page, exclude situation #1.  The reason for this exclusion of possible description of your shower time is this:  you may answer a person according to the intent of their question, and their intent may skew your true innate definition of shower time because you are answering according to their intent.  Their intent could range from 1) arguing about how much hot water you used up OR 2) arguing about how much bathroom time you used up.  Thus, the intent of an interrogating person can obviously skew the results of this analysis.  

Of the people I have asked verbally I have received approximately and equal quantity of ascribers to each definition.  I hold firmly to definition #2 because I cannot understand why "taking a shower" would mean anything other than "taking a shower."  Why would someone randomly lump brushing his or her teeth or putting in his or her contacts into the category of shower-length?  But you be the judge.  

Definition #1 or #2?     

It's 12:25 A.M. and I am working on a college essay.  Suddenly the phone by me rings (Melody is my 15 year old sister): 

(ring, ring, ring)

Me: Hello?
Her:  Hi, Philip.
Me:  Wait, Melody?
Her:  Yeah, can you do me a favor?
Me:  Are you calling from upstairs?
Her:  Yeah, can you check what the weather is going to be like tomorrow?
(pause)
Me:  WHAT! 
Her:  So I can plan my outfit for tomorrow.
Me:  ....
Her:  Please?
Me:  I don't even know how to do that.
Her:  Just go to weather.com.
Me:  ....
Her: ....
Me:  Fine...

It was just unbelievable.  The entire thing.  Sigh...back to my essay.