October 21, 2007

  • Why do spiders bite people in their sleep?  I sleep in our house’s basement, and currently have a spider bite on the back of my neck.  And I am completely at a loss as to what thought process could have possibly preceded the spider’s seemingly gatuitious action.  What logic can account for it?  Do spiders dare one another to bite humans in their sleep?  Is it the spider equivalent of cow-tipping? 

    *scuttle, scuttle*

    Dum da dum dum dum, what time is it? Hmm, circa two A.M.  I think I’ll go for a walk.  Let’s see here, down down down the wall we go.  Ah, there we are.  Ooooh, look, a giant rectangle! It’s wall-climbing time!  And what’s this?  A giant rising and sinking mountain; I’m feeling adventurous, why not climb it?  *sidles on up mountain*  Why, look at this!  It’s a fleshly body 5,000 times my size, and it’s lying here unconscious!  I feel threatened.  I had better bite it.  That just makes sense.  How else will I deter this imposing beast?  *BITE*

    *scuttle, scuttle*

    But given that I have seen statistics that say we eat anywhere from five to ten spiders in our sleep during a lifetime, I suppose their tendencies aren’t generally ruled by reason.

    Have a good sleep!

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