February 9, 2008

• Letters, Starring R, T, O, and I

  R: Excuse me, T, are you busy?
  T: Oh no, not at all.  What can I do for such a close friend?
  R: Yeah, you know we actually have been neighbors for a long time.
  T: Yep.  Every since we moved here from Latin all those years ago.
  R: I’ve really appreciated your company, because to be honest, Q’s never around. 
  T: Well c’mon now, you know the reason Q can’t spend much time in words is because he’s in the movie business.  I think he’s on the set of the new Bond movie right now. 
  R: Yeah, glamorous life for him.  At least he didn’t take U with him. 
  T: Why would I have gone?  I’m not the least bit interested in movies.
  R: No, not you, U.
  (They stare at one another blankly)
  R: Well I was just wondering if you’ve seen I around anywhere.
  T: Oh yes, yes, last I checked he was on the deck talking with some other vowels.
  R: Thanks!
  T: Not a problem!

  R: Hello, I?
  I: Yes, R, how is going old chap?
  R: Oh. My. Gosh.  I have been waiting to meet you in person for years! I cannot tell you how much I’m indebted to you!
  I: Well what do I have to do with that?
  R: I beg your pardon? 
  I: If you want to thank you, then do it.  Y is around here somewhere.
  R: But I wanted to thank you.
  I: Then do it.
  R: Thank you.
  I: No, you isn’t here.
  R: I’m not sure what I am missing.
  I: I’m not missing anything.
  R: Well, what about me?
  I: Me isn’t here either.  I’m thinking me is with him.
  R: You’re with him?
  I: No, me is.
  R: But I just wanted to thank you.
  I: You is extremely kind, and will be glad to hear it.
  R: I believe it’s ‘You are kind’ and ‘I am glad to hear it.’ 
  I: Don’t tell me what I believe!  That’s stereotyping!
  R: I’m sorry.
  I: No I’m not!
  R: Oh. Right.
  O: Someone say my name?
  R: Oh, hi, O.
  O: (Sigh) Such a boring state.  It’s only good for growing corn and presidents. 
  R: You aren’t a fan of corn?
  O: I don’t know, want me to find you?
  R: But I’m right here.
  O: I is right here.  But the question is, where is you?
  R: I don’t know.   
  I: Well I could probably find you.  Anything else other than that?
  R: Let me think.
  I: Again, me’s probably with him.
  R: Who? You?
  I: That’s possible as well.  And he might be there too.
  R: I’m confused.
  O: I is confused. 
  I: Guys, I am right here.  Don’t talk like I’m not.
  (awkward pause)
  R: I should probably go.
  I: How rude! I’m staying right here.
  (R nervously glances at I, then walks away.)

  EDIT: This was somewhat confusing; sorry.  If you got lost, the red exit signs designate the nearest way out.  Thank you and come again.

  • 3:10 pm
  • 3 Comments