October 26, 2008
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Life, Love, and Lies
Here is an idea for you if you happen to have a particularly boring life.
First hang up wanted signs of yourself around the area where you live, with a promise of reward for any information concerning your whereabouts and instructions to call a phone number to report the information, which is actually the phone number of one of your adult friends. If someone of the same gender calls the phone, take down the information and thank them for their crucial help in a case of national security and mail them a stuffed animal for their help. But if someone of the opposite gender calls, your adult friend will arrange a meeting with them at a local coffee joint. Your adult friend should wear formal business attire and have a briefcase with lots of papers in it. Over coffee your adult friend, who is a government agent, will explain to the informant that you have acquired a package of documents containing intelligence crucial to our nation’s security which the government is desperately trying to locate.
However, since you alone have knowledge of the location of these documents, and any attempt to demand to know where they are might fail, the government agent will then ask for the informant’s further assistance in locating the documents by asking them to start a relationship with you in which the two of you will grow intimate enough for you to tell them where the documents are, or so the informant can locate them in some other way. During the relationship the informant will continue to have meetings with the government agent to report all their findings about you that might help to locate the documents. However, the government agent will also explain to the informant that if no romantic connection is made with you, then the relationship will end and they will attempt other means to find the documents. Send them a stuffed animal for their efforts in assisting the government.
Continue to do this until you and the informant, who has begun dating you, fall passionately in love with each other. While in love, they reveal that they have been working for the government, but you don’t care because your love is so strong, and you explain that the documents actually prove the U.S. has been colluding with Iran to feign an international crisis to gain control over the American people. They agree that that is terrible and now understand that you are the good guy and the government is evil. (Make sure the government agent instructs them to never ask you what is actually in the documents, since they of course are trying to cover the government’s tracks. This will make sense to the informant in hindsight once they know that the government is evil.) You then suggest absconding from the country to go live in hiding for the rest of your lives in a foreign country. Recklessly in love with you, they agree to do it and you do so, and then your life is a lot less boring.
Comments (13)
*raises one eyebrow questioningly*
Ummm, how much did you have to drink tonight, friend??
lol
LOL. YOU, SIR, ARE BRILLIANT.
There’s this girl I’ve been eying from afar. I’ll have to have a few “encounters” with her in public, and then put up wanted signs in her neighborhood. What a plan!
That is *really* amusing. Actually, it rather sounds like the makings of a screenplay.
indeed life would be a lot less boring…
You know, regardless of how tongue-in-cheek this is, it might actually work…haha. Unfortunately my life has not gotten to that level of boredom quite yet, but, hey, I am still young…you never know! Excellent post!
I love this! I have to try it sometime.
Of course, I also have to try filming a short movie showing me pointing a hairdryer at cars next to the interstate, just for the fun of it. Maybe I should try that first.
Actually, this is so good, I want to share it with my friends. Can I befriend you on Facebook and then direct them to your note, or would it be easier to email this to them?
@yello_lego -
Change your xanga when you leave and be sure to stay in touch.
@the_earth_isnt_humming -
I do think it actually totally logically coherent – besides the stuffed animals, perhaps. I’m thinking wait until I’m near the end of college to do it, and we should probably plan ahead and know the language of the country we’re moving to as well…
@mettaurJX17 -
Sure stuff – my last name is Mendola for facebook, and I’ll go post it. Glad you like it.
Also..another good one, gluing a quarter to the floor in a mall and counting how many people try to pick it up. Hehe.
@StrokeofThought -
The one I hadn’t heard about before I thought it up is taping a paper to the ceiling which says “Gullible.” Many people will jokingly say “Gullible is written on the ceiling,” but then I could have the last laugh and convince someone not to look at the ceiling.
ryc: thank you, sir. you summarized it better than i said it. haha.
reminds me of a line I once used with a friend.
post was delicious.
once and only once
Why have I not tried this?
How romantic! lol!
Very clever though… Love it!