November 23, 2008
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Notes from my Rhode trip
Some people seem to think the fast lane on the highway is really the “slightly faster” lane. They will be going a centimeter an hour faster than the car next to them, thus justifying their presence in the fast lane.
It’s times like those when I wish I could shoot them with a red shell and their car would spin out of the way, and they’d lose a few coins.
Semi-trucks, in that case, would be like koopas, where the cockpit is the koopa and the trailer is the shell of the koopa.
“Falling Rock”?? What kind of sign is that?? And why does it specify that there is only *one* rock? Shouldn’t they not know how many rocks might fall? Unless, of course, the falling rock is PLANNED. This gets more like Mario by the minute.
A blue sign with nothing on it? Tantalization seems to be the goal here. “Finally!! A rest area!! Wait..what? It doesn’t say anything!”
“Buckle Up – Next Million Miles.” Ha. State authorities in Pennsylvania have a sense of humor. At least they will until I bring them to court claiming that I already have the necessary million. “Yes, that’s right officer, my spedometer is in light years.”
Sneezing on the highway is extremely dangerous. Those ten miliseconds could end up being VERY important. And you can’t keep your eyes open when you sneeze or they will pop out. At least I read that somewhere, and, heck, I’m not going to be the one to check if it’s true.
I have read somewhere that we sneeze at 100 mph. If I am driving 80 mph then, logically, my car should be propelled backwards every time I sneeze. That’s just physics. But it didn’t happen, and thus nature’s laws were violated. Divine intervention is the only explanation.
So I am driving towards the sunset at 80 mph but the earth is spinning me the other way at 1200 mph. If only I could drive 1200 mph I could watch the sunset forever. And I’d never age a day. But as it is, we cannot drive fast enough to live forever.
So very sleepy. Time to snuggle wuggle and go to sweepy time…mm yumm mm … look at all these semi-trucks..I’ll bet they all have ultra-deluxe mattresses and blankets inside them. Yayy..
Note to self: if sleepy and you want to die, play Sufjan Stevens. If sleepy and you want to live, play David Crowder.
Comments (13)
Here in colorful Colorado there is a very important sign as you head down the Rockies on I-70. Its an absolutely critical reminder that tax dollars are very well spent on guiding our citizens towards an enlightened existence. As if white letters on green metal could save someone who didn’t already understand the implications. It reads:
“IN CASE OF FLASH FLOOD, HEAD TO HIGHER GROUND.”
Thanks.
I hate to play devil’s advocate, but when you sneeze in a car going 80 mph, it’s in an enclosed space. Even if air had the mass of water, unless you sneeze hard enough to break the front window, it would have negligible effect on the vehicle itself. It’d be like shooting the windshield from the inside with a water gun.
And if you were in a vehicle traversing the earth westward at exact same speed as its rotation (it rotates eastward), you’d be stuck in the same 60 minutes (i.e. 4:15 to 5:14) over and over again–our method of telling time would be glitched, but you’d still age. =P Or imagine if you were standing precisely at the north pole–time would still go on. You wouldn’t be stuck there in an eternity, frozen at a standstill time, haha.
@yello_lego -
I wrote my dissertation on sneezing, so this is an unwise move on your part. Did you know, for example, that in the 1700s merchant vessels trying to escape pirates would have up to twenty members of their crew induce sneezing fits via massive pepper intake in order to sneeze into their sails and escape the attackers in pursuit?
Did you know, furthermore, that 40% of NASCAR crashes are caused by sneezing interfering with the velocity of the car? Many drivers have their sneezing glands surgically removed so that this doesn’t happen.
Of course you would not live forever if you just stood at the North Pole – it would be too cold and you would die. Obviously!
But have you ever heard of someone traveling around the world forever who didn’t live forever? Mmmm? Mmmmmmmm? Precisely my point.
Don’t make me change the wikipedia entries on these things to prove my point.
@StrokeofThought - LOL. You’re a funny man, you!
some people simply are not left lane material. When I lived in minnesota I called this parallel driving mud duck formation.
@StrokeofThought - Hahaha, so hilarious, I had to come back and read it again.
@yello_lego -
For the record, it is true that physics was my absolute worst class in high school, but, if nothing else, I did get f=ma out of it. But that’s it.
In retrospect, the point about sneezing in the post works well when thought of as a parody of the rest of my knowledge of physics.
What do you think about our eyes popping out of our heads? My health teacher though it was B.S. But really, who’s gonna try? I bet someone made that up as something that might be true that no one would ever check.
@StrokeofThought - I’m certain it’s only an urban myth. There aren’t any bodily mechanisms that could propel the eyes out of the sockets. The nasal passages, for example, are closed off from the eye sockets. Some people do sneeze with their eyes open, and they’re just fine.
hahaha! this post is wonderful.
David Crowder Band is amazingly fantastic and helps my life make sense.
You have a very interesting blog.
I enjoy reading it..
Thank You
Be Blessed*
-Savanna Marie-
I hate sneezing when I’m driving! It just asks for disaster. I also wonder about the musician Buckethead, and whether or not he’s ever sneezed with his mask on, and then immediately after that I wonder how much that would suck. But he’s an amazing guitarist so he’s probably not bummed for long.
ha, road trips are on the top of my favorites list, except for the time I accidentally went to West Virginia…
How funny, I just threw in some tunes from Sufjan’s Christmas box set today!
Your posts are always interesting to read
@Beautifully_Complex4 -
Illuminate is the best. Ever read his xanga? Good man, that David Crowder.
@redeeming_passion -
Grazie!
@paramountpalms -
Seriously! Especially sneezing at night, and the road is curving, and maybe there’s a semi-truck nearby – not the place, nor time!
Accidentally? How funny that is depends where you were headed. My mom, sister and I tried to get to the Lincoln Memorial but we didn’t know where you stopped, and before we knew it we were headed across a bridge, and then we were on a road where you couldn’t turn around, and ended up many pointless miles in Virginia. But getting lost on roadtrips can be fun, too.
Ahh, yeah! Gotta get out Sufjan’s Christmas stuff. ‘Tis the season, finally.
i do indeed, it’s bookmarked.