January 11, 2009

  • Sorry I’m late…

    I was busy thinking of excuses for being late. 

    I have the worst luck.  Example: one time I was driving on a three-lane street towards a row of traffic lights, and the traffic light above each lane turned red at the *exact* same time.

    It’s weird that whenever lightning strikes the earth, there is always someone with a very large camera taking a picture of it.

    If we ever find life elsewhere in the universe, the question of long distance relationships will take on an entirely new meaning.

    *I* wanted to be a kleptomaniac for halloween.  You stole my idea!!

    The depth of a friendship is proportional to the amount of steps in the handshake. 

    It is a good idea to break up by phone, because then if they get emotional and start going off, you can raise your voice as though you’re in a tunnel and start saying, “OK…yeah, OK…we’re breaking up…sorry, we’re breaking up!” *click*

    And lastly, a weird paradox: I always unwant to do all things equally, and therefore whatever I do, I am infinitely happy.

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