May 10, 2009
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The horror, the horror!
The other night I had a horrifying experience.
It all started during the daytime when I barged into our study looking for something on the shelves, when I suddenly realized that there was a large spider hanging in mid-air in the middle of the room. What impudence! So I nabbed him with a tissue and a notepad, and wadded him up and put him in the trash. Turns out I hadn’t quite squashed him and we had a battle in the trash can, which ended with me beating down all the tissues with a blunt object to make sure he was dead. Spiders are not my friends.
The hour grew late as I stayed up talking to a friend online, and I decided to switch to our main computer, which is in the study. While sitting there, for some reason I glanced slightly to my right at one point, only to realize another huge spider was lowering down right on to me. I jumped out of my chair and realized the clandestine attack which had been in motion while I chatted with my friend obliviously. It must have been a relative of that earlier spider—the eight-legged devil was trying to avenge his compatriot! An assassination attempt! I then looked up at all the walls and realized how many cobwebs we had allowed to accumulate.
I finished him off, and also razed the subtle spider kingdom he and his friends had been secretly erecting all over the room. Although the terrorists have won in this case—whenever I’m on that computer I am extremely paranoid, looking up every thirty seconds or so, sometimes forgetting that t-shirts have tags, thus making me grasp at the back of my neck to frantically get the non-existent spider off of me.
One of the bigger regrets of my life has been watching the movie Arachnophobia. What sudden masochistic impulse compelled me to do so, I cannot remember.
Anyways, the little bro wants to play, goodbye everyone!
Comments (11)
=[ It pained me to read this post. I love spiders. They are such ideal creatures to have around the house, provided they don’t make webbs which one might accidently run into. They kill the bugs and nothing else. They don’t eat your food, they don’t eat you, they are…wonderful. I cannot express the grief I feel for you and your inability to enjoy their wonders. May God help your situation, my dear Philip.
Martha
PS Were you alluding to Heart of Darkness when naming this post “The horror, the horror!”?
@liferemainsbeautiful -
“PS Were you alluding to Heart of Darkness when naming this post “The horror, the horror!”?”
Yaya!
I am sorry that I had to talk about killing spiders when you are friendly with spiders. However, I really must disagree that we should consider spiders our friends. First of all, sometimes they do bite humans, and some can be big and mean, and maybe even kill humans. Secondly, they do not look very nice like pretty animals, such as dogs. And maybe I shouldn’t kill them – but perhaps they should just stay out of the way, so that I’m not forced to. Out of sight, out of mind!
Not to mention I have suspicions that they crawl on me when I sleep. That is also not very nice of them.
Recently I saw a few other xangans that said they don’t like spiders, made me think to tell the story.
@StrokeofThought - But those aren’t the spiders that are in your house =[ Plus, you can’t hate them because of their nature! If they kill humans, it is only because the human was threatening in the first place! We are the big mean killing-machines to them, come to think of it. In fact, we are not very nice pretty animals to them either. Actually, we are the ones who build houses on their territory, so maybe we should stay out of their way. Maybe you disturbed those spiders’ sleep when on the computer in the middle of the night. Actually, how do you know that spider wasn’t just trying to apologize for his friend scaring you?
Perhaps you hate spiders so much because you are so similar to them…..o_0 Now you know your insicurities lie within yourself….spiders eating up your mind….metaphorically of course–I don’t want to contribute anymore to your paranoia of spiders.
(I apologize in advance. Tehehehehe!)
Martha
personally im scared of spiders so i have to kill em
Wow. I am going to have nightmares now!
I am terrified of spiders. They are the most scary things ever. What else can crawl that fast through the air, at your face, on something that they created just by spitting it out at you. AHHH!
I’m proud of you for murdering the little terrorists.
*heart attack from the above comments*
Im doing better with spiders… a little bit…
I had a spider attack me while grilling and I almost lost my leg because of it. I Probably would have freaked out if I saw one lowering next to me because now I am so afraid of them.
@liferemainsbeautiful -
Haha, ever seen The Matrix? You seem to repeat a speech from it, only exchanging humans being spiders for humans being viruses. We are like viruses because we find no equilibrium with our environment – rather, we exhaust the resources in the environment until it is destroyed.
“Actually, how do you know that spider wasn’t just trying to apologize for his friend scaring you?”
Possible. Very possible. But, alas, it’s a little late now.
It is true that I probably group spiders all together for convenience – to learn to differentiate them would take hard work. As it is, I know how to respond to any spider I see by applying only one criterion (if it is a spider, it is not nice, so I don’t like it, so I’ll kill it). This is probably how most stereotypes work, so that by assuming, for instance, all old men on the internet are predators, you now know how to act in every instance you encounter one. Humans make assumptions so they will know how to act.
And I don’t think spiders are important enough to make the cut of what I will try to differentiate. Perhaps someday though.
I moved recently and now live in an area that is more wooded and that means more bugs, which includes spiders. I have come face to face with two wolf spiders and some other rather large spiders that I try to forget and it has all turned into a game of quick wit and hairspraying the little devils.
I feel your pain…and fear.
@StrokeofThought - =O I haven’t seen The Matrix in….10 years? AH!!
It is quite alright, dear Philip. You can continue your hate for spiders. But if we cannot even make peace with the innocent animals, how can we ever make peace among our fellow humans? =[
Martha