July 11, 2009
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Everybody should be friends with everybody
Some people, I find, have very odd ways of selecting their friends. But mainly the odd thing is that they select their friends at all.
I consider every single person I meet my friend until they try to attack me. And even then, sometimes people who attack you are only being playful. I have to explain to them that I don't consider attacking to be a part of friendship, but then we can carry on arm-in-arm along the path of life.
Really we should love people and be willing to be friends with them simply because they exist. Friendship is not a ride people must be 48 inches tall to ride, or something for which they must fill out a form, or smell nice, or be able to make you laugh once a minute. Friendship is just what happens because we are humans, and we can talk, and people are there.
A friend of mine has told me she is friends with me because I entertain her. How terrifying! I had no idea that there was a standard on which our friendship was based. What will happen if one day I can't entertain her anymore?
I think many people have such a criteria-based view of friendship; it is the view represented by the larger man in the dialogue a few posts ago.
The same friend was offended to find that I love her simply because she's a person, and not because of all the admirable qualities she possesses; she thought that being friends with her intrinsically implied that I thought she was beautiful, smart, entertaining, and so on. Now I actually thinks she is all of those things, but that is not the reason I love her.
In fact, if I loved her because of those things wouldn't I really just be loving those qualities, and not her?
As it is, she could fail to be all those things, and it would not affect the fact that I love her. Underneath all those things, she is a person who thinks, feels, and sees the world, and that is enough.
And so I think it is good practice to even become good friends with people who you don't even want to be friends with. Otherwise we become 'the larger man,' trying to attain the goal of having an amazing life, and things become all about us. I think we will probably be amazed at how much we were missing in people if we try to love everyone.
This seems to me how Jesus picked his disciples; the accounts almost make it look as though it was at random. He just walked up and started talking to them, and then the relationship began. And then Jesus would go to the parties where all the sinners were, and, presumably, just eat and talk with people. This is a way Jesus would place value in people, and show that it didn't really matter who you were, he would love to have dinner with you.
And it should all work out since, based on the last time I checked, the population of the world just works out so that there is enough people for everybody to have lots and lots of friends.
Comments (8)
Thanks for posting this blog. I am friends with people whom I don't want to be friends with. I learn from them. I also know how it feels to be a cast off where our friendship lasted only as long as I was agreeable to their point of views. Such is life.
Your perspective on love is a good one, I think. Love should not be "because". There was nothing for Christ to love in us, but He loved us. He does not love us because of who/what we are, but who He is. Love is a choice, not a condition.
Good word.
It's funny that you say that because a lot of my good friends started out as people who were trying to fight or annoy me so i guess any two people can be friends in the right situations. Great post befriend the world.:)
Sweet thoughts!
I love the idea and down deep think you are right. I am currently friendless in my real life, but I will re-evaluate. Jesus did not seem to have much of a standard in picking guys and gals! He just choose them.
You were recommended by 'Q.'
blessings
frank
no way, man. the trade-off between the benefit of the doubt and personal safety is not always so simple.
isn't your body a temple? the instantiation of your soul? if your life is valuable, then you simply *must* be wary of your company. why should love of thy neighbor trump love of thy self? perhaps this is a poorly worded sentence; friendship is different from love. but the question i want to ask is: are we to offer ourselves naively (ignorantly) to the wicked?
there are people out there who would do you harm for their own benefit, who would twist every act of loving-kindness into a means by which they can hurt themselves and others. meth addicts are a great example.
you would be wise *not* to invite a meth addict into your home, let him borrow your car, lend him 30 dollars, or even let him use your internet for a few minutes.
are meth addicts "undeserving" of outreach, compassion, and a second chance? not at all. but all of these things a very different from friendship.
@jim_the_american -
There's probably a more charitable reading in here somewhere.
Even in the case this does not apply to the meth addict, the ex-convict, or whatever, it would still apply to that extent.
But I would think that love is only simplistically understood as giving someone whatever they want (your car, money, etc.). I think these people do deserve love, but that is a very different thing than just giving them things. It means helping them become people who can be trusted to that extent, so long as they are willing.
Even after applying pragmatic qualifiers, I think what's left is still a place where we all struggle to be. There are other problems, such as it being unfeasible to be the best of friends with everyone you meet, but that is quite beside the point.
@StrokeofThought -
helping a person is different from befriending a person. your therapist should not also be your friend and neither should your doctor, drug counselor, or warden.
love and friendship are very different. like you, i believe we should feel love and compassion for all people. moreover, i believe strongly that we have a duty to provide our fellow humans with rehabilitation when they stumble, outreach beforehand, and a clean slate afterwards.
however, that doesn't mean that i am willing to befriend strangers.
i agree with you that after applying "pragmatic qualifiers," there are still more people that i'm willing to befriend than i am able. i suppose it is in this sense that friends want to feel "special" or "chosen"; it isn't very romantic to learn that friendship is doled out on a first-come, first-serve basis and that Jordan just happened to be next in line.