July 21, 2010
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Night
Eternity touched the ground
and filled everything I sawThe sky was wide and dark
Stars spoke to us of far away lands
Under the treetops
Crickets cried out from the deep of creationA fog hovered over the field
the world is drenched with feelingThe moon was clear and bright
and hung alone above the houseI want to be in solitude,
to appreciate this with youIt is amazing that I am alive
but I’ll forget this night
as I drown in the sleep of my bed
Comments (3)
I liked everything, especially the last line, but I have one suggestion. It seems to me that “Crickets cried out from the deep of creation” is too formal for the rest of it. You seem to be touching on a kind of intimacy and that line has a more distant tone to it. Maybe if they cry out from something more specific than “the deep of creation”.
Again, just a thought.
~V
Wonderful poem.
One could drown in irrelevance.