August 24, 2010
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Thoughts from an ethical rabbit
To point out your annoyance is to say “I’m more important than you”.
To be around another person is quite a significant thing. It’s like saying “it’s ok you’re here” when we hang out. It’s a subtle appreciation of your being in reality. I like to think of people I don’t know, “If I were with you, that’d be ok”. To think that people wouldn’t like me is really depressing. I’m always so sad, thinking, ‘But does this mean I’m on backwards? Should I not talk to anyone? After all, I shouldn’t annoy people. I should let people be how they want.’
And then I walk away sad, for I just want to be friends with everybody.
Things are never just as simple as intentions. Sometimes, things get sticky because we have different views of things that clash.
Sometimes it hits me all over again that the main premise for living in the world is that we stay in the same body for the entirety of it. While talking with other people I’ll suddenly realize ‘They see my body, but I don’t – I’m in it’. Then I’ll move around, and feel a little trapped, like I’m my eyes and whatever thoughts are behind it, and I couldn’t change this fact if I wanted to. I will never be able to see reality from the body of another human. That seems crazy.
This creates a deep wonder in me about why it is I’m a human, and what is going on. Some people may talk about this intermittent wonder and say to ‘get over it’. But the thing about getting over something is that it is to get to something else. So there’s the assumption that there’s something we are eventually supposed to be getting to, and it is the biggest thing of all. But what is it? Is it not wonder at life’s mere presence, and the humility and love for others and gratitude for life it inspires? Shouldn’t that be the big thing that life is?
Tonight was another night of staying up late for basically no reason at all. After all, if nothing else makes sense, why should my sleep schedule? I’m stressed about plenty in life that couldn’t sort itself out in these words if I had several weeks to do it. But I suppose writing is good for keeping track of the stories, what questions there are, and so thoughts don’t have to feel that awful muffling sensation that accrues over time. Silence is such a gag when you are anxious to live.
I want to say who I am, and for who I am to be because of who You are.
Comments (8)
I can’t say I’ve ever experienced life even from within my own body. I don’t pay much attention to others’ bodies, either, at least once I get to know them.
Oh my gosh– I think I know what you’re talking about! Sometimes it feels so weird– sometimes I forget that my brain’s just directing the actions and I get a huge shock int he mirror when I gaze into my reflection because I’ve forgotten what I look like. And how am I to know if my hand motions bother other people, if they just flow naturally out of me?
I feel that way, too. I want to be friends with everyone. I want to get along. Why won’t we get along? I think that we should reserve our dislikes and avoidances for people who violate our standards in the most abhorrent ways possible. Beyond that… everyone can be friends, right?
Lol, I sound like a kiddie’s program, like Barney or something. Good food for thought. And yes, there’s so much to write about and thus so little time for sleep…
That’s one of my foremost motivations in taking so many pictures/videos of myself; because I’ll never get to experience myself as somebody else and that’s the closest I can get.
I always think about the confines of our bodies. it seems unfair really that we can never see from an outsider’s perspective.
Also when we say that people are a lot older now, it just means that we’re a lot older. It’s strange that you will always be older than someone, no matter how much time passes (unless they die).
@randaness -
“I can’t say I’ve ever experienced life even from within my own body.”
You’re not . . in your head? Woah. C’mon now, don’t mess! How is that possible.
@christykim -
“I think that we should reserve our dislikes and avoidances for people who violate our standards in the most abhorrent ways possible.”
My thoughts precisely.
And what’s wrong with being a little kids’ program? Those shows hold the meaning of life. We all just grow sleepy and stupid and adulty.
@StrokeofThought -
Hmm, well, it’s hard to explain. When I was a kid, I remember I used to walk past mirrors and be startled to be reminded that I had a body. I’ve become used to it, but it was never something I innately claimed. It’s not that I live in my head, either, it’s that I live all around me – my concept of “me” includes not only my thoughts, but the flowers in my mother’s garden and my cat and that tree and the love between two people I’ve never even met.
@StrokeofThought -
Glad to hear that someone feels the same about getting along with people. “Adulty”. I like that. Closest thing I heard was “adultic” from a friend.
We do grow sleepy! I think we become more stupid because we don’t get enough sleep, actually. Energetic kids scrawl all over the place and bounce around all the time because they get a good nights’ sleep and a nice little nap in kindy. As we grow up, we get the short of the stick, don’t we?– having to cut back on our sleep to accomplish more tasks but leaving our minds so dull and deadened that we can’t think of creative ways to solve problems– huh, what a thought!
Anyway, nice phrasing. “sleepy and stupid and adulty”. I like. ^^