I feel like no one’s really living.

Underneath life there is always a whispering voice, saying it is all about love.  The man who has loving relationships is the man who is happy.  But somehow I am always ignoring that voice as well.

I get the feeling I’ve lost myself. 

When you’re a child, you have a hope in everything.  Every activity seems destined for great things, and it is connected to a world that is even greater than that one thing is.  But as we age we start listening to bigger and darker voices, and our hope gets lost.  Suddenly the world isn’t so big anymore.

We’re getting old, and soon we’ll die.

No one is going to die but you.  Your responsibility, all things considered, will have been to yourself.  To become a creature that loves goodness and truth.

There’s something so much bigger than our daily lives.

Someday you just have to get impatient, and start living with a light in your eyes.  If you really love the truth, you’ll get that annoyed with not living for it.  It is a big world, and we should continue with our hope.  Once you start listening, you find that is a bigger voice than any other.

What if the map you have in your head of reality isn’t the right one?  What if you’ve never been here before?  What if everything and everyone ended up a lot more important than you had calculated?  What if that steady track of ‘you’ that you perceive that runs under everything is something true and real, and you are actually in control of it?  What if you’ve gotten lost?  What if there’s a moment where you realize that?  But what if others don’t understand?  Will you die between the pull of the truth and the lives of others?  Is there an undying tension between the way the world is and the way it ought to be?  But doesn’t it become so clear to each of us, in our private moments, that it’s real, so real, and our lives can do nothing less than reflect that?  What if you had so many faults it was comical to ever be annoyed at any of your fellow mortals?  What if your eyes shot up into space and the world suddenly seemed a dead mite in the black consuming fabric of space?  What if you came face to face with life, and you had to choose?  What would you stand on?  Where would you go?  What would you feel?  Would you follow the truth hard, and never look back?  What if God was before you, and you could remember nothing else but all the thoughts you had ever had?  Would you tremble?  Aren’t we so oblivious?  Am I crazy, is this crazy, aren’t we all crazy?  Don’t you feel there is some big truth that someone is hiding?  Have you ever wondered the purpose of hiding it?  Have you ever screamed for that purpose to end?  For the whole thing to be over?  Isn’t it weird that we swallow?  What could be stranger, staring around the dinner table, the bobbing up and down of lumps in everyone’s flesh-carpeted tubes that support their center for talking and thinking?  Are you going to have lived an amazing life, or at least, the right life?  Don’t people of passion inspire you?  Then why aren’t you one?  Don’t you want to have picked the ‘what if’ option?  Maybe I’m insane and the truth isn’t far behind.  Do you revere animals?  Do thoughts of love start your day?  Are you sad at memories of good things lost?  Was the earth once covered in sizzling pools of deadly liquid?  Would it make it feel strange to be alive if there were?  Should that one fact really make the difference?  Do you realize the uniqueness of the opportunity to live your life?  Are you going to rise to greet it?  Are these questions going to end?  Will the thoughts end when they do?  Will my life?  Does anything mean anything?  Can life be real while we’re living it?  Could I die happy if that never happened?  Am I young and stupid?  Or is adulthood based on a social culture continued for millennia that is based on nothing at all?  Will I ever know my children?  Will I ever shake the feeling that I’m really still learning about this whole world too?  When will I die?  Why will I die?  Will I have lived my life?  Are there any other questions I should be asking?  Am I living?  When is a better time to start than now?