August 21, 2011

• Shell casings on our pillows

  There could be a million reasons for what you did, an understanding of them all will never feel like an apology.

  Suppose that you did something wrong, but it was kind of an accident, like you were late for something important to someone.  If when you are apologizing you explain why it was an accident or how you were not trying to hurt them, you either do not care to apologize or do not know how to.

  If you apologize with a disclaimer, you think apologizing is like a handshake.  You are saying ‘Your experience is important, but let’s face it, so is mine’. 

  As you explain all your reasons, their eyes will search your face, not understanding.  They are waiting for you to say something you are not saying.  A hurt feeling is not made through rational argument, and so it cannot be removed through rational argument.  It is a feeling, and so it must be responded to with a gesture of feeling.  You just say ‘I’m sorry’ and then you say nothing else.  An apology is a bow.

  He is a weary soul who is not in the habit of apologizing. 

  Pride is a subtle thing.  But when I cringe at the idea of pure apology, I know I am there. 

  And in the end, who will care about all those petty excuses?  What did your defenses matter?  Aren’t you glad they are gone?  Doesn’t it feel good to not hide? 

  And from all this we know, it is a deeply relational world.

  • 1:01 am
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