November 14, 2011
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There was a time when cows were free
One of my strongest principles is that I only buy honey if its container is shaped like a bear.
I used to always find parking tickets on my windshield when I walked back to my car. But I took off my windshield wipers and now I can park wherever I want.
I like to pretend that I work my job because someone dared me to. In any other case I would quit, but I’m not really one to lose dares.Saying “Rest in Peace” is a very ominous way to wish someone a good night’s rest.
I searched the whole convent but found no one. That could only mean one thing. Nunjas.
They say to not go shopping hungry because of all the things you’ll buy. So I started to shop full and they must be on to something because sure enough, I didn’t buy anything. But now that I didn’t buy anything I am very hungry . . . but I can’t go shopping.
People get all happy when they kill two birds with one stone, which means they accomplished two goals with one action. But in my life thus far I’ve killed 7,838,961 birds using 3,142,371 stones for a total average of 2.49 birds killed/stone. People need to learn what’s impressive.
Comments (3)
Teehee, people need to sell portabe windscreen wipers, everytime you leave the car, you can just throw it inside your bag or something.
Totally going to get someone to dare me to do well at my job tomorrow-it’s a daunting prospect.
Also planning to use R.I.P. very soon.
Thank you for making my life better in these ways.
You can park anywhere, but I bet it’s hard to drive in certain weather conditions…