February 25, 2013

• listen for the whispers

  And demons? What do they wrestle with?

   

  You’ll go insane waiting for others to love you.

  
  

  Most move on from a desire for truth rather easily.

  
  

  I do not write as I learn; I learn as I write.

   

  The correct answer to ‘why did they do that?’ is always ‘I don’t know’; but especially when the action is suicide.

   

  Do you ever look at directions from your house to somewhere on google maps? There are so many houses! I wonder what goes on in them each night. Who hung out there? How was their dinner? We know so few people. I like going somewhere unexpectedly and then finding out: ah, so this is what goes on around these parts.

   

  But if you are not there at the exact right moment, you will miss what that place meant to others.

   

  Tonight someone asked to talk to me alone and I said sure and we started heading for the door.  I had no idea what they wanted to talk to me about.  When we got outside they said they felt like they had been a bit standoffish a few nights ago, and they were sorry.  This is a person I am not great friends with and have only spoken to a few times.  And they were saying sorry to me.  I had not even experienced any hostility from them; I actually felt like I had been the bum in that situation.  But they worried about it and they took the time to apologize for it.

   

  I think that conversation did my soul better than a thousand sermons.

   

  On Saturday I was driving up to an intersection when I realized I was thinking about a scene of pedestrians that were not thinking about me at all. Later I wrote, ‘We think of the world in terms of ourselves and the world has not thought of us at all.’ 

   

  But I guess I was wrong.

  • 2:56 am
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