November 10, 2007
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Crush Fallacies
How many crush fallacies are there? I count three.
1. Liking our idea of someone, and not really them.
2. Liking the fact that we like someone, instead of actually liking them.
3. Liking someone, as in being attracted by their appearance, but not liking the actual them.
All three of these create the illusion of genuine attraction. I have committed all three fallacies, but the one I probably commit the most frequently is number 3 (although the different fallacies tend to work together quite well).
Sometimes I wonder if having a crush is in any way ever an indication of a true state of affairs, or if it is simply produced by an erroneous combination of my imagination and emotions. Perhaps when I truly am willing to commit to loving someone because of who they actually are, I won’t even experience what is called having a “crush” on them.
Are there any other fallacies I missed?
Comments (18)
So what qualifies as genuine attraction?
Liking the fantasies we make up about someone may make a fourth, or it might be a mix of 1 and 2.
I think number 2 is my weakness.
4. Liking someone because they like us and not because we really like them.
But I think that, although genuine attraction can be a lot harder to come by, almost any of the fallacies could develop into something real if we acted on them. The difference between the genuine and the temporary is less how we feel and more what we do about it. If you end up with this girl or that one, you become a person that ended up with her and (hopefully) was very happy. If you don’t end up with her, you become a person that’s glad he didn’t because you’ve gone onto something else, something better. Every decision, choice, and interest we take changes us permanently.
But having said all that, I agree that it’s important to be genuinely attracted. And to tell the difference between genuine and artificial attraction, we must know ourselves well.
Lately I think its number 1. for me.
I was having a conversation in which I stated there is something either superficial here or somethimg meaningful.
The other person stated, cant there be both?
I replied NO.
Now, in the real world there probably is a mixture of sorts, but who wants to disect that? Its easier, if not more productive, helpful etc. to BE black and white on the issue.
In a relationship we got to ask ourselves if whats brought to the table is substance or a bunch of sugar coasted b.s.
Brother, my Brother,
Lord have mercy on me, am i tormented by women.
Yes, women are perhaps the trickest of the creatures on the Animal channel.
I see a new beautiful woman every time i look in a new direction, and i am attracted to most of them, and so many of them good Christians too, picking one, even harder yet picking one that would pick me back seems impossible.
Even in my youth, i has some undersatnding of the proverbist who does not understand the ways of a man with a virgin.
I keep telling myself that God gives the peace, and the understanding and the bringing together; and while i still hold that to be true, it gives my mind a lot of room for uncertain, and that can lead to doubt, and doubt often leads to sin; and that really messes your day up.
So like everything else there is a necesity for faith, a heart that trust’s God will obey Him, and only He can give a wife that is a blessing and not a curse; and only He can build a house that is Holy.
But, Lord send me in the direction you would have me, and in the mean time give me some HOly violence to fight these thoughts and feelings that work to cause me o so much trouble.
Yay I got a comment! lol (I’m kind of pathetic. But my friends don’t get on Xanga very often anymore, so I post more than they have the ability to comment back to.)
Thanks for reading my novel excerpt. *blushes happily* It’s one of my favorite parts of my novel so far; and now I’m just hoping that the rest of my work is going to be as good, (which might not happen until the editing process in a later month. lol)
But all in all, NaNoWriMo is incredibly fun. And they’re still accepting sign ups. (They will until just before midnight of November 30th, lol) So if it sounds like fun, I think you should go for it! The worst that could happen, is that you wouldn’t hit 50,000 words by the deadline, the best is that you could.
You do have a slight disadvantage, but hey, anything’s possible! And if you do join, add me as a buddy. ; ) (But if you don’t join, there’s always next year, since it’s an annual thing.)
And actually, there are other months, (spinoffs) of NaNo madness. There’s on in January, maybe April, August or July…? I didn’t find out about the spinoffs until it was too late; so I just started with the original November. But I might join some of the other months when they roll around.
*~*Laura*~*
I like the summary. As near as I can tell you’ve covered about 95% of the relational oddities I’ve come across.
I think you’re pretty much right on here. Though I do have to agree with missdebster’s #4. I’ve been trapped in #1 a few times myself.
By the way, I like Jars of Clay very much. I’m saving up to get that new CD, I’ve also heard it’s fantastic. Have you heard much Todd Agnew? He’s got a very unique voice, but he’s got a lot of the bluesy rock like Jars of Clay.
And Calvin & Hobbes was, by far, the best comic strip ever! (Ironic, I just had this converstation with my dad today). Fox Trot was definitely in my top 5.
Those 3 scenarios are not illusions of genuine attraction, strictly speaking. In 1), you are genuinely attracted to an idea of someone. In 2), you are genuinely attracted to the fact you like someone. In 3), you are genuinely attracted to someone’s appearance.
So while they are not illusions of genuine attraction, per se, they are illusions of being genuinely attracted to that person. (While your meaning is clear, it never hurts to be more precise with language.)
You pose a very interesting question. I have wondered that myself. I wonder sometimes if I do really “love” people because my actions are contrary to what the Bible describes as “love.”
Ex: If you hate your brother and say you love God you are a lier.
Ouch! Pretty strong statement.
Or: Love never fails, is not selfish, is not rude, is not self-seeking, Never Fails.
Double O-oh! I think I fail in these areas at least once a day with someone…
Then I leave myself to answer. God sees the heart of man. He knows I will constantly fail, and when I am humble and ask for forgiveness, and make restitution, He is waiting there to forgive me. Awesome above awesome. God is go amazing. He died even when He knew how much I would mess up. That amazes me. THIS is why we need the love of God. We love Him because He first loved us. We need to love people with the love of God. There is nothing that we can muster up without God, (in my opinion) that is real love. It’s just a placibo.
NAW man, any girls is a good one, except lesbains, naw their cool too! WOoHOO! christmas break ’07 baby! yea!
ok so this is rick, delete this comment if you know whats good for you
You’ve collected some good thoughts here. Good on ya.
Actually, I do think of grammar rules the same as the pirate code. In creative writing. But the only way you should break the rules is by knowing them and knowing you’re breaking them. And knowing how to break them well. The errors I mentioned are ones that should be followed even in most creative writing. The rules hold our language together, preserve its beauty. Er….maybe I should stop. I could preach on this subject.
Ditto. Great thoughts. Though I must say *puffs chest out* that I’ve never really experienced any of those things, I think you do have a good point. I tend to be attracted to females who have no problem being themselves. Call me archaic, but I’m more attracted to who someone is as a whole and the way they live life rather than a pretty face or a dynamic personality alone (which can be easily faked). I also think missdebster’s #4 is good one too.
Love= “Giving something while expecting nothing in return.”
Lust (or infatuation)= “Taking something while giving nothing in return.”
the ends are always desirous, and the means are not always so bad either; it’s the waiting that is hardest. No matter what the thing, it is the time qoutient that breaks a man. God uses time to test and mold his subjects. All a man has to do is have faith, but the time will test that faith.
grace and peace,
Allen
I think missdebater’s #4 is right on (for me, at least). Many times that happens to girls, especially. We’re sometimes so self-centred, aren’t we?
Btw, I came by your site from Dan’s. I read that book too (God’s Outrageous Claims), and I loved it
How nice to meet someone who has read that book as well!
God bless,
Addy
Whoops. It was “missdebster”, not “missdebater”. Ha. I’m sorry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teMlv3ripSM&feature=related
dude watch this video. its so good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrShK-NVMIU&feature=related
gotta watch this one too…so amazing
Wow. I never of crushes that way.