What you see before you is physical reality, as is the case at any given point.  But it is weird that wherever you go you can hear these invisible whispers of meaning inside your mind, and other people can hear them too, but only each person can hear their own.  These invisible ideas that we experience—thoughts, meanings, and emotions—are the basis for humanity’s story; they are the primary medium by which our lives our conducted.  This makes it extraordinary that they are invisible.  Thus although all we can ever see is just physical things that we can touch and feel all around us, the real focus of our attention at any given point is on these invisible ideas.  This is because we are always apprehending meanings from what we are seeing, thinking about the relationships with the people we interact with, assessing our mood as it changes throughout the day, and thinking about the story of our lives. 

That only we can know our thoughts is like someone wearing an iPod, which I see people wearing in public quite often; how amazing it is that they are experiencing an entire musical reality, where the song they are listening to is filling the world to them, but to us it is just their physical body walking along.  So it is the same with thoughts.

I walked along thinking to myself.  I can either cut my hair or cut expenses.  One of these isn’t going to make the cut.  But I would need a new barber because my old one just hasn’t been cutting it.  Although at least they have never cut me.  I know someone seeing this is just thinking, “Cut it out!”  Fair enough.  I’ll cut the crap.

Jesus says to let our light shine before men, but in the very next chapter tells us to pray, fast, and give in secret.  This dichotomy is interesting in itself, but the latter part is even more interesting because of what it implies.  We have already spoken of how everyone experiences the invisible world of thoughts, but here we learn that this world is not only there, but is important as well.  Further, when alone, the ‘you’ that is in the center of all your thoughts, thinking them, enters a state of honesty where your true self will always be found, and through choices in those solitary places, continually be made.  For in order for us to truly do something, for it to actually be a decision made by the choosing force buried deep beneath the layers of social sediment within us, we must tell no one.

For those of you who are aliens just arriving on earth who have found my site, a quick important note.  The older food and beverages get, the worse it becomes to consume them.  Except, that is, for wine.  The older wine gets, the better. 

But hey, don’t ask me…I didn’t make the rules!

G’night to all of you! 

Annnnnnd … cut!

I would be a much more interesting person in terms of telling stories if dreams counted as reality. 

I find it extremely interesting that before America was settled all the cities and towns were already here.  I know this because I always drive by this one rock that says ‘Upper Arlington: Founded 1917.”  That means people just found all these buildings already built, grouped into cities, just the way they are.  Wow.  However, the person who designed the rock with the date when they found it must have been a person who learned English as a second language because they messed up the past tense.  It should be ‘found’ not ‘founded.’  How embarrassing.  But you can’t blame them entirely; there’s no spell check in nature.  When you mispell something you carved into a tree a red squiggly line doesn’t appear beneath it.  Which is perhaps proof we’re not in the Matrix.

Because other galaxies are so far away, it takes millions of years for the light emitted from them to be received by us on earth.  Thus, when we look at them we are really looking far into the past.  Remember that Star Wars happened ‘A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…’  Perhaps with a telescope powerful enough we could actually watch the star wars as it really happened.  In fact, maybe that’s how George Lucas came up with the story: by actually watching it.  Then he knew he had to make it unbelievable so he threw humans into the story.

I want to collaborate with other people when I am older to build a neighborhood where all the basements are connected with tunnels.  That way it would be a true community, where people chill in each other’s basements all the time, having tons of movie-watching parties with plenty of chips and salsa, and where you can sneak into neighbors houses early in the morning to make them breakfast. 

I’ve got waffles with my neighbor in a few hours, so farewell for now.  A good day to you all!

“Hey, I need help over here.”
“I don’t know that.”
“What? Yes you do, I just told you!”
“Yeah, but I forgot what you said.”
“But we’re talking about it.”
“About what?”
“Ok. I’ll say it again: I need help.”
“I don’t know that.”
“Know what?”
“What you just said.”
“Ah! Well how do you know that you don’t know what I just said if you don’t even know what it is that I just said.”
“Precisely.  I don’t.”
“But you said ‘I don’t know that.’  You must know what it is you’re talking about.  You used the present tense.”
“Did I?”
“Yes.”
“Well it doesn’t really matter now since it’s in the past.”
“What!  In using the present tense you affirmed both that you knew what I was talking about, and that you didn’t.  Now which is it?”
“But right now I have forgotten what you said, and thus in the past there was a moment in the present during which I didn’t know what you said.”
“But if you forgot that means at one point you did have knowledge of what I said.”
“That’s right.  When you said it.”
“Ah, but you said you didn’t know it!”
“I didn’t.”
“But you said you knew it when I said it.”
“Yes, and then I forgot it, which means I didn’t know it.”
“But how could you have forgotten so quickly?”
“Well, when a person forgets something that means there is an instance when they don’t know it.  When I said ‘I don’t know that’ was when that was for me.  Thus, now ‘I forgot,’ then ‘I don’t know.’”
“So, when you said ‘I don’t know’ you were forgetting what I said?”
“Yes.”
“But that means it wasn’t true when you said it.”
“Yes it does.  Once I said it, it was true.”
“Oh, okay, while you were saying it.”
“But I hadn’t said it yet, so it didn’t need to be true.  It was true at the moment it ended, so it was true.”
“But since you were saying it in the present, it needed to be true in the present.”
“But there is no moment while one is saying something that the statement being said is complete.  And then once the statement using the present tense was complete, it was in the past.”
“But that’s what the meaning of the present tense is: the present.”
“Yes, but the statement didn’t even exist until it was over.  So it ended up being in the past.  And in the past, it was true.”
“But it can’t just be true in the future past, it had to be true in the actual present.”
“When is the actual present?”
“Well, like right now for instance.”
“What, you mean then?”
“No, like now.”
“Ah, then again.”
“Uh!”
“You see there are the presents in the future and presents in the past, but there is really no present in the present.  Thus, my statement was said in the present tense because, since there are only are past (and future) presents, we need to speak about things that will be true only if said in the present tense, so we are being consistent.”
“Wow.  Just wow.  So you might have well just said ‘I forgot’ because by the end of it it would have been true.”
“I suppose, but if I just said ‘I forgot’ out of nowhere you wouldn’t have any idea what I was talking about.  But the principle is correct that it’s always true to say ’This sentence is over.’”
“I hate you.”   
“Because ‘I forgot’ is only true if the statement ‘I don’t know that’ is true when I said it, and since ‘I forgot’ is true, that statement is also true.  So it seems to work better that way.”
“I don’t know that.”
“Hey, you look a little behind over there.”
“Yeah, I am even more so now.  Wanna help?”
“With what?” 

As usual…no point.  One just gets tired of always posting in the same format.  Anways.  This post is now finished. 

There are some things people say that, if applied consistently, would make for an extremely odd world.  But the reason that people say them is because they are frequently used by other people, which I suppose prevents the person presently saying one of them from examining their logical ends. 

“Was I talking to you?”  Applied universally, no one would be allowed to talk.  Ever.

“Because I can.”  At any given moment, one must doing whatever they can.  Apparently possibility is a sufficient condition to cause someone to do something.

“You don’t know where that’s been.”  No one would be able to touch or eat anything that is not themself, since the only thing you know the perpetual location of is yourself.  Although for me that is not really true, since I get lost a lot. 

There are others that I am having trouble thinking of.  What about “ladies first” in the case of a co-ed SWAT team?  Does the guy break down the door, and then the females go first?  I would guess that “ladies first” does not apply with a gunman confirmed to be in the building. 

I just saw my friend Drew onto a bus to Chicago where he is going to be homeless for forty days.  (His theme/facebook group is “Love is Free”.)  Pray for him if you remember.  I know I will be! 

So long everybody!

Some people desire to sleep as though it were a pleasurable activity.  But the reality is that it is an unconscious activity, and it’s not like in the middle of sleeping we suddenly shoot awake with wide eyes and say, “You know..this feels REALLY good!!” and then immediately drop back down and fall asleep again.

Some people think life is a dream.  How fortunate that we could all dream we were on the same planet.  Otherwise it would have been a really lonely dream. 

Although life being a dream would explain why everything is so blurry.  But fortunately there are some people who dream of inventing glasses, and other people dream of selling of them.  

Waking up to a shrill alarm clock after being in a deep sleep is an especially terrible experience.  It is like being a rock on the ocean floor that, upon being flung from the bottom of the ocean into outer space in the matter of a moment, gains the ability to comprehend what is going on around it for the first time ever.  One becomes a ferocious and simple-minded ogre whose only goal is to destroy the stentorian beeping and return to oblivion.

*Yawn* I’m getting pretty tired here myself.  Goodnight.

The rise of narcissim in our culture does not surprise me, given the construct of the average life of people my age today.  The world is designed today such that it will give the appearance that life is all about each person individually.  

While growing up every person has their own room, is provided early on with a cell-phone, has their own page on the internet, has an entire day each year devoted to them, and for the first time ever in history people pick their spouses based on their own personal preference.  All these things form the shape of our lives, and thus also our thinking.  It is clearly predictable from this lineup that each person’s thoughts are going to tend towards thinking about themself; after all, everything around them suggests that everything is about them!  Life, as it is lived today, is an entity of self-managed affairs, where each person organizes, chooses, and arranges their lives from start to finish exactly the way they want it to be.  How infinitely opposite this is to what a disciple of Jesus is supposed to be.  A disciple of Jesus is supposed to forfeit his life, pick up his cross, and follow Jesus.  I wouldn’t expect anyone from such a narcissistic culture to follow Jesus. 

There are several things wrong with this.  First, look around at all of nature, at the beauty of the heavens, at the awesome nature of living life at all.  Ought we not be stunned with gratitude at this amazing reality we have been given?  We have been given life; it is not to our own credit that we are here.  Our very bodies, too, we have been given. 

Imagine driving in a car you have bought with your own money.  But then suddenly imagine gaining the realization that the car is actually not yours, but is owned by someone you know.  What will you do now?  Obviously, you will drive very carefully, realizing that it is not a possession of your own to be carelessly managed, but a gift or a loan that needs to be managed accordingly. 

Second, shouldn’t people who assume that reality is all about them demand to know the truth, since they, after all, deserve to know the truth?  It is true that some do this, but that most people are simply careless when it comes to the truth.  Though we remain rich young rulers, today’s rich young rulers do not even ask, ”What must I do to inherit eternal life?”   

As someone from within this narcissistic paradigm who wants to know the truth, I can testify how hard it is to square with the teachings of Jesus.  I love my life, but he tells me I must give it up to follow him.  How ultimate is this question.  I must consider the two paths and choose one, but my insides squirm with dissatisfaction and terror as I lean towards following Jesus. 

I imagine the starting position of my life.  I pick what I want to do, where I want to go, what I want to say, and everything in-between.  It is the me show.  And let me face it: I am totally in love with this reality.  How wonderful it is to have a life where it is so easy to imagine that everything is entirely about me.  In a perverted sense of the word, I love myself, my life, that I am the king of my castle, that I am the master of reality.  It is the true desire of the evil dictator deep within me, the motive directing my actions. 

From my castle, where there is much carousal and merrymaking, I see a traveller walking up the road.  He is a simple man, wearing only a bland tunic.  He stops about a hundred feet from the gate of the castle, which has quieted upon the man’s arrival, and looks up at me.  I am high in the main gatehouse, wearing my crown and robe, arms around harlots at either side, holding goblets of wine in my hands, and I look down at the man, somewhat annoyed that he has disturbed my party.  He points up directly at me and, with an expressionless face, says, ’You.  Come, follow me.’   

What an outrageous thing to say.  Offensive too.  Can this peasant not see that I have a party to attend to?  A party which I am throwing in my castle, no less?  And besides, if I follow him I cannot see where I will go, for the road disappears as it goes over the hill.  Why go off with him when I already have luxury and entertainment in my castle? 

And yet, though the demand is outrageous, I still pace the wall thinking of what I should do.  At times I stop and call out, asking if I might bring a few things with me, perhaps some drinks or means of pleasure.  No, the man says.  Tyranny!  Madness!  What could you possibly have that could equal the greatness of all I have here?  This castle is wonderful, I own it, it is mine, and all herein! 

‘You own nothing that was not given to you.’

What impropriety!  You come to my castle and you insult me.  But still, his insult is different from the kind I receive from other people.  It does not annoy me in the same way, for some unknown reason.

You owe me a sufficient reason for leaving all of this, a statement of promised benefits!  Have you no insurance claim? 

‘I promise you life.’

Squirming.  But I can’t bring anything with me?

‘Nothing.’ 

Many at this point ‘walk away sad, for they had great wealth.’  And it is here I am left morose and sweating, with despair in my eyes, downcast, looking at the man with anguish in my heart. 

…

It a paradox understood by few.  Apostles, adventurers, people who live and are always on the move, and decide to submit their life to God, are people who care nothing for their lives precisely for the reason that they know it is the most important thing.  Life is far too precious a thing to cling to.

I have more, but I will only share three, two of which have happened recently.

Friday night I went to Waffle House around midnight with a few of my friends and one of my sisters.  Now keep in mind that I am in college so my high school class of 500 has dispersed to many colleges all over the map, and thus many of my former classmates I will never see again.  We were walking to the cash register as I glanced at my check for the first time, which read $5.07.  Also of note, I used to be an obssessive runner until I got injured early in high school, and runners tend to see things like times on a clock or numbers anywhere else as running times for certain distances.  So I thought, “Was that my mile PR (personal record) in 8th grade?  Nooo, it wasn’t.  I ran 5:03.  Oh, I know who ran that time, it was Zach Trisel.”  This was a quick thought as I glanced at my check, and then my face shot up and, lo and behold, who did I see sitting twenty feet away on the other side of the restaurant from where we had been sitting?  Zach Trisel!  What the heck!  My mind exploded instantly.  I walked over to him immediately and told him what happened, and he explained that he had actually just been talking about me.  Wow!  The whole thing had me spinning in a frenzy.  Very rarely will you see some random thing which will make you think of a person you have an extremely low probability of ever seeing again, and then see them in the very next moment. 

A few weeks ago after having stayed up studying all Tuesday night until Wednesday morning I was sitting at a red light on my way to school.  As I waited, I casually glanced up at the rearview mirror only to be stunned at what was behind me.  It was a car with a 20-something white male driving, and a scrawny Indian girl with glasses in the passenger seat—the exact same car and people that had been directly behind me the previous Wednesday!  I was blown away!  I even considered getting out of the car and knocking on their window to tell them what had happened.  I also recalled that the girl had had a killer sneeze the week before.  In a city of 750,000 people (with even more in the suburbs) and being on my way to a university of 50,000 students, after having left at an irregular time, this was truly remarkable.

Last one is a quickie.  Two summers ago I was sitting by a campfire with my friend Kevin as stars freckled the sky through the opening in the treeline above.  We sat in quietness until Kevin cashed in a thought by asking, “Phil, you know one thing I want to see before I die?”  Immediately I thought the Northern Lights, and just as I did so I turned to him as he said after a brief pause, “The Northern Lights.”  My response of “WHAT!” somewhat confused him until I explained that I had seriously thought his answer the moment he asked the question.  Now that’s pretty fey.

There are others, and even more I can’t remember, but here are the highlights.  Can anyone top that first one?  I mean, that coincidence was cooked to perfection.  It really upset the waitresses on duty because they had to spend a full half-hour cleaning my brains of the walls and floor.  

Hope everyone had a great Mother’s Day!     

I want to keep a bright-orange vest in my trunk so that if I ever see a traffic light that is broken and no police officer is there yet I can park nearby and direct traffic.  Then when the officer arrives I will be like, “Alrighty…you can take it from here.  Don’t mention it.”

I don’t really use an ipod because it seems unfriendly…people walking around with them in public are like saying, “I like my music better than you, you…you people!”

Sometimes people call on the phone and ask for some weird name and I am like, “Sorry, you have the wrong number…but we can be friends anyways!” but then the line goes dead.  How sad…so many potential friends lost to dropped calls. 

I can’t wait to be a dad because then I will be a palindrome.  It has been frustrating because since my name is Philip I have been *this* close to being a palindrome for the longest time.  And I suppose having a kid will be a plus as well. 

Gas prices are getting high.  The time has come.  Ban NASCAR. 

Everyone have a b-e-a-utiful day. 

It is so interesting that the dome of the earth’s opaque sky retracts at night to reveal the universe.  If it didn’t, we would never even know the stars were there. 

What is even more fascinating to me is when I am in public late at night, and all the other people are walking around on the sidewalk or sitting at tables on restaurant patios, talking.  Everyone seems to be acting quite normally, laughing in their conversations and strolling along nonchalantly.  But it is night, and all I am thinking is, “Everyone, look!  We are here!  We are humanity together, all inhabiting this planet in the remarkable and gigantic universe, and here is our story we are acting out, even every moment.”  Then together, I imagine a silent vigil of all of us strangers in the public place, gazing upon the heavens, experiencing together the deep longing humanity has always had for something infinite beyond itself.

Every day is a slow unfolding of objective reality.  Our minds wake up in much the same state as our bodies, enclosed by four walls, thinking only of ourselves.  But then we grow a little smaller as we leave our rooms and enter the rest of the house, remembering our family as well.  As we walk outside, we shrink once more as knowledge of the world floods our minds and we remember the city where we live, and the people we work with.  Then finally comes night, when the sky dissolves to reveal our beggar’s existence in the universe, each of us being a mere stub of hair on the face of the earth, and we are now hardly the giant we woke up as.  

But this is not normally how it works; the last stage is easily skipped.  At night the stars and the truth come out, but people go to sleep.  When they wake up, both are gone, and they live happily on with their lives, thinking that the world is what is real, because it is what is here every day, and it is very close.  One must stay up to see outside the world, and thus their minds, to see there is much more than just their small daily thoughts.

Imagine the two following almost parallel situations.  In the first, a man is told to go into a cave and write down exactly what he thinks the truth is.  The truth about himself and everything.  Once finished, he is also told, what he wrote be disseminated to be read by people all over the world.  In the second situation, a man elects on his own to retreat to a cave where he will also write down exactly what he thinks the truth is.  At the end he will burn everything he wrote, and then kill himself.  The question is, supposing it is the same man in both scenarios, will what the man wrote be different in the two scenarios?  Does not secrecy breed honesty, and honesty the true thoughts of a man?    

One day I was walking along my campus and I saw a message written in chalk on the ground that said “Love your life!”  It seemed like a positive and uplifting message for people.  But it made me think:

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.”

I’ve got work to do, everyone have a great night.