January 27, 2010
-
War of the Worlds
“You know I once met someone who had self-actualized. Boringest conversation of my life,” Jason said, sipping his glass of wine.
“Mmmm,” Aly began, “I imagine only having one actual person in a conversation would make it quite boring.”
“Do you see that?” Jason said, his eyes suddenly vigorously wide.
“What?” Aly replied nonplussed, glancing around at other people at the party.
“That man is thinking about me.”
“What? How do you know?”
“I can tell,” he replied, still staring fixedly at the man.
A moment later Jason shot himself like a torpedo across the floor.
“Wait, Jason, don’t!” Aly cried.
“Hey buddy, you got a problem?” Jason cried, enraged.
“Excuse me?” the man replied innocently.
“Oh don’t play that game with me,” Jason fumed, “You’re clearly thinking about me.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“But I sure know what you’re thinking about! And—GAH—that is so rude. Why don’t I just go back across the room and think awful things about you all night? How would you like that? That make you feel good?”
“Jason. . .” Aly whispered, pulling at his sleeve.
“Well it’s quite clear that you already have been thinking about me,” the man riposted.
“Yeah, well I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT. I think that’s pretty obvious by now,” Jason bursted sardonically, “But you know what I don’t do? I don’t walk around, thinking all sorts of things about people, killing them in my head, imagining them in blue dresses and running frantically around the place, and then leave it. That is just rude.”
“Well I don’t know how far that philosophy has gotten you in life,” the man said with a wide grin on his face, “but I can tell you that not having my thoughts be co-extensive with my words has served me quite well.”
“I don’t care how well it’s served you, it’s SICK! You are a monster. Hiding entire worlds of hateful propaganda, enraged citizens, and a whole rabid army—all slashing other people to bits every moment! That is a monstrosity, and it is a shame on you and everyone else who does it.” Jason raised his voice near the end so everyone else at the party heard him.
“I’m sorry about this, thank you for your patience,” Aly said as she pushed her livid friend away from the man.
Comments (4)
If I told every person exactly what I thought of them right off I don’t know if I’d have more friends or less. O_o I saw this girl with the most wicked awesome pink, purple, and blue hair today. Her head looked like a snowcone. I wanted to say either “Wow! Your hair looks awesome!” or “Wow! Your head looks like a snowcone!” but spent too much time debating about it and she got off the bus. I suppose it’s better I don’t say some things out loud. hehe.
Did this conversation actually take place in real life? Because I know some friends who would actually say and do all of those things.
jw.
Wow, someone else that likes PG Wodehouse!!
I read Laughing Gas the other day, just about died…. laughing!!! 
I’m picturing in this in one of the episodes of Heroes, haha. The mindreader gets drunk. :p
@guestbrief -
Amazing, isn’t it?
~V