April 20, 2010
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Drowsy thoughts visited my dreams
Life is a bunch-of-things-in-a-row. Fiction is a-bunch-of-things-in-a-row. That’s why we need to fiction to express life.
Where do you want to live? I want to be right here, dancing softly in an empty room, but there are stars on the ceiling, and you’re all I need. I wish I knew who I was, that would make it much easier to be that person. As it is, I’m living a million people, each of them upset they don’t have a bigger part.
Oh flesh and movements, oh life and stillness, you compete for my attention in a subtle war of motions and images and feelings. I want to stay right here, and when I say that it makes it not true.
How many times do we have to go over what life we want to be living before we actually live it. In this moment right now you are here typing and doubting instead of reading and living. To read is to learn and have data for thought, and when things happen in the mind, life is happening. It’s hard to group it all together; and do we really want to become someone with a system? Where is the heartbeat in that? Heartbeats are spontaneous, they aren’t planned ahead of time.
I want to always be able to do the next thing I think of, and who knows if the people you chain yourself to will let you. That’s why a true friend is so wonderful, and rarely exist; they allow a whole other person in their life. You can’t do that with too many people, it barely ever happens. There’s not too much room in a person’s head, I’m already in it, I can hardly fit someone else too. So at most it’s one true friend who will let you be whoever.
But oh dancing so softly, sometimes that moment is worth it. At least that’s what all those stories you hear would have you believe. What if there was another story that was worth it? Isn’t there another story? “Today I met someone who thought love does not exist.” “I thought I saw you.” Fall to your knees, and see that the heavens wait for you. You cast a shadow on the stars with the life you live. What will it be?
Comments (1)
I like your description of a true friend. This blog is very thought provoking. Thank you for sharing.