May 17, 2010

• Serious Complications

  Michael darted briskly across the floor toward the man waiting for his coffee.
  "Hey you! You Gordon?" he asked sharply.
  "Yes, that's me," replied Dr. Gordon, an oncologist and coronary surgeon at the local hospital just down the street.
  "You've been seeing Vanessa, haven't you," Michael accused.
  "Vanessa Banks? Why yes, I see her on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
  "Ok, wow. You did not have to tell me that!" Michael replied hastily. He was extremely surprised by Gordon's candidness.  However, after adjusting to the idea that Gordon was open to talking about Vanessa, he scrunched his eyebrows and inquired in a serious tone, "So, what do you see in her?"
  "Her heart," Dr. Gordon said dryly.
  "C'mon, don't give me fluff," Michael responded acridly. "What is it you're really looking for in her?"
  "I'm looking for anything that might cause problems, or that might develop into a problem," Dr. Gordon explained cursorily before adding, "Anything cancerous really."
  "Oh so you're looking for problems?" Michael was suddenly defensive. "You know that is the exact way to get her hurt."
  "Oh don't worry, she is asleep for all of it."
  "WHAT?" Michael was taken aback by this comment. "Wait—she's asleep during . . . Wow.  How could you do that?  That is so wrong."
  "I'm pretty sure she prefers it that way."
  "She does? . . . Is there something wrong with your, uh, your equipment or something?"
  "I will have you know I have the finest equipment there is," Dr. Gordon declared proudly.  "Nothing less than the best, so I can do what I need to, and Vanessa is perfectly satisfied." 
  "Wow," Michael huffed, a bit indignant. "You know, you really ought to be careful."
  "Oh trust me, it is very safe, blood loss is minimal."
  "No, I mean in talking to me. I used to see Vanessa," Michael revealed as what he thought would be a bombsell in the conversation.
  "Really?  You have a license?" Dr. Gordon said, surprised at this bombshell.
  "Yeah. Duh. How do you think I'd be able to see her?" Michael said with an air of derisive common sense. "She lives clear across town," he added after a brief pause.
  "She does live pretty far away," Dr. Gordon agreed. "Why did you stop seeing her?"
  "I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her," Michael explained with a tone expressive of his confusion during the relationship. "One day it was one thing, the next it was another.  Eventually it became too much, and I just said 'Forget this!'"
  "I see," Dr. Gordon said slowly, noting his colleague's unprofessional conduct. "What did you think of her heart?"
  "Her heart?" Michael echoed, considering the prompt. ". . . you know, at first I thought 'Wow, she has such a big heart', you know, and it was very tender, very sensitive, but over time that went away."
  "Swelling of the heart?" Dr. Gordon murmured to himself. "Interesting."
  "Nothing swell about it.  She would always draw attention to that kind of stuff, and, you know, sometimes I really just wanted it to be about her body," Michael said frankly.  "What do you think of her breasts?"
  "I checked those.  Nothing there."
  "Yeah, I know what you mean.  Definitely some small problems there."
  "No, I didn't find any problems."
  "Oh," Michael said flatly. "Well I guess it depends on the guy."
  "I suppose," said Dr. Gordon, now staring at Michael with a forceful look.
  "Well," Michael began, becoming distraught, "I hope you find what you're looking for in her.  I know it just wasn't there for me."
  "By all means, I hope there's nothing there," Dr. Gordon responded.
  "Yeah, me too," sighed Michael wistfully.  And he walked off in a blaze.

  • 5:32 pm
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