Scared, scared to be brilliant, I feel like everyone's a fool, and I'm on the throne, king of the fools, the biggest fool of all. When the world is a comedy the jester is the king. Isn't that what it feels like when fall comes around?
People only wait so long for you to say something. If you don't say anything, they'll just keep talking.
Sitting in chairs - is that all life is? People get together and sit in chairs. I don't want to sit in a chair. What if it's booby trapped with a meaningless life?
HA! Drunk people are predictable. They act weird when they drink a lot of that liquid there, the one in the brown cylinder. But me, the world, we get weird when we don't know when. It happens and then it's weird time. That's a lot more fun, the unpredictable: you don't go to a bar to lose control, you go there to control your uncontrollableness.
You know how people are waaaaaaaay inside their heads? They have plans, an ultimate life plan, and you don't know what it is, and nine times out of ten they don't know either.
Stuff. Why do we have so much stuff? We must care about it. I've decided to divide my clothes into three categories. 1) Sentimental Value (SV). 2) Deep Reserves (DR). 3) Actual Clothing (AC). Using these three categories I should be able to burn about everything else I own, since I don't need it.
Like a traveler!
There's a context of reasonability. It might make sense to go out and buy a snow cone if you want one. But if the nearest snow cone is thirty miles away that might not make as much sense as believing in God for the time being. If our lives were a lot longer or we lived with a lot more things nearby or we knew a lot more, what it makes sense to do would change a lot. Why do people do things? I don't know. For some reason they thought of it and it made sense to them and so they did it. But someone's acting the right way, and I wonder who that person is and how they knew to do it that way.
Blogs are very Shakespearean, you know that? No one would ever say this stuff in a social setting, so we have to come to the side, and now it's time for the soliloquy, or the aside, or maybe it can be both, I'm not sure.
Academics have the most secure jobs on the planet. They're the only ones who understand what they write, and there's an understanding, a subtle and quick nod at their conferences right before they leave, that they should continue making things a little more confusing than necessary, just so average people continue thinking we need them to understand everything, since obviously we can't.
Sexual desire, have you ever thought about how weird that is? We have a body, but sometimes we want another person's body. Why do we want their body? We don't know. If we were really wanting someone else's body, an alien would ask us what was happening, and we'd say we need another body, and they'd say 'why?', and we would say 'I just . . .do' and they would say 'you already have a body' and we would say 'but I want someone else's' and they'd say 'but why?' and we'd say 'I JUST WANT ONE OK'.
'You humans are very strange.'
Rainy streets. What is it about rainy streets? I don't know what it is. They're either haunting or beautiful, or maybe just meaningful. I'll never understand rainy streets, the way they make me feel; like something's important, but I don't know what.
I'm feeling a bit feverish. I saw a mug the other day that said 'Simplify' on it and I wanted to get it, but then I realized that would complicate my life. I blame everything on buying that mug. That mug is also why I'm getting rid of all my clothes, and the books that just sit there watching me like neglected children. What do we need in life? A few friends? Some music? Continuity?
What do you need? What kingdom have you been made fit for?
My friend Alex was in his room writing all day yesterday, perhaps going a little mad. His roommates would peer in and ask him 'Um...are you ok?'
'That's why I called you,' he said. 'I knew you would understand.'
'Of course,' I said, staring to warm up some tea. 'You're in your element.'
'Exactly.'
'You just gotta put a sign on the doorhandle that says 'Self-Actualizing. Do not disturb.'
'But that would ruin the whole thing.'
'That's why I never got you one.'
A girl was walking down the street last night (a rainy street) and talking on her phone about her day. I was like 'Wow! We get to hear inside this girl's life'. And that's when I realized I like to know about people, and that friends are people that let us know about them, and then I started caring a lot more about what my friend Nick was saying to me.
How does someone become a friend? Listening to someone close tell you what they feel, something you could hurt them with by being insensitive, you think 'whatever the secret code is, I guess I got it right, and now they're letting me know them.'
I've been stressed a lot, but I don't smoke, so how am I supposed to show it? Everyone looks at smokers standing by buildings and thinks, 'My, they must be stressed about their life'. But if you don't smoke, people think everything must be going fine. Maybe I'll just stand next to the smokers and quietly murmur 'I'm stressed' for five minute increments. People will get the picture.
Smokers do a lot of good though, because seeing them relieves my stress by reminding me that I don't smoke, and they relieve their stress through smoking. All in all everyone ends up less stressed.
We can't use the word 'twilight' anymore because it was destroyed. But that's ok because there's the word 'gloaming' saved as backup all these years in case anyone destroyed 'twilight'. I also sometimes say I'm feeling 'gloamy' if I am feeling gloomy and wistful at the same time.
Ok..I'm feeling it go away. It's all winding down, time to stop soliloquizing. Once you use the word 'soliloquizing' you feel a lot of closure about finishing something, like how zooming in on a snowman is a good way to end a movie. Actually that seems kind of weird . . but also hopeful . . or I don't know. Kind of like a rainy street, I guess.
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