March 1, 2012
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Nervously awaiting a sandwich
When I live in the suburbs with my wife and family I am going to have an electronic news scroller that shows all the recent headlines for our household. That way everyone walking by will know what’s going on. ‘Wife wants chicken for dinner, husband suggests meatloaf’ ‘Janie grounded 2 weeks after missing curfew’ ‘Dad wins Monopoly for record 7th straight time in a row, wife and kids grouchily resentful’.
You know how there are some jeans that come with paint splotches or tears already in them? Kids buy those jeans because they are the cool jeans. Well I think they should come out with butter that has bread crumbs or dollops of jelly already in it. That will be the cool butter. Then kids will go, ‘What? You’re buying the regular butter? So not cool,’ while rolling their eyes.
Just once I want to see a cop checking his facebook on the giant computers they have in patrol cars.
They should come out with a Bond spinoff where he wears rags instead of suits and introduces himself, “Vagabond. James Vagabond.”
If I were a police officer I would designate each kind of car as a Pokémon. Yellow bugs would be Pikachu, red mustangs would be Charizard, and so on. Then on highway patrols the goal would be to give each one a speeding ticket. Gotta catch ‘em all.
(Maybe hand them the Pokémon card with the ticket. *grins evilly*)
I try to make jokes but I don’t think my friends realize that. If they did I think they would probably stop being friends with me. ‘Guys, did you know Phil tries to be funny?’ ‘He does?’ ‘Yeah. I had no idea either. Apparently this has been going on for a couple years.’
That’s ok. I’m fine with it being my little secret.
Comments (1)
I once saw a yellow bug actually decorated like a pikachu. It was for Halloween and they’d stuck two cardboard “ears” in the windows and a cardboard “tail” in the trunk, then put two round red dots just behind the headlights in what I can only assume was that wash-off car paint. It was glorious.