May 27, 2011

• My Meyers-Briggs is PHIL

  I don’t understand why there are so many settings on blenders. They all seem like they do the same thing.

  Some people donate their bodies to science when they die.  When I die I want to donate my body to a sacrificial cult.  That way I know I am definitely saving at least one person.

  Whenever I see a cop anytime after not stopping quite completely at a stop sign, I freak out.  Somehow I assume he has infinite knowledge, and I start sweating and thinking, “He knows!! HE’S ONTO ME!!”

  I think they should privatize the mail industry, so then I can make a company where we look through your letters and fix your typos.  And if you so desire, we can give you a neutral third party perspective on your issues. “You know, you really should give him another chance. He might not be able to spell, but he does love you.”

  When people accidentally gently touch me and then apologize, I don’t forgive them.

  I think some people put their silverware drawers in nonsensical places, just to make me look bad when I’m in their kitchen and I try to guess where it is.

  Sometimes when I make a joke that no one picks up on I turn and wink at an invisible camera.

  Whenever it rains people have umbrellas to keep water from getting on them.  So apparently water is the enemy.  But then they drink up tons of water.  Now there’s a trojan horse scenario if I ever saw one—and they just chugged it on in.

  I am going to invent a character who solves crime through texting.  His name will be Jones.  Detextive Jones.

  BWAHAHAHAHA!
  
  n e ways guys, g2g. cime 2 solve. lol

  • 1:57 pm
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